The Wild Onion Cafe

Happy Birthday Megarific!

2011-09-06T00:01:00.001-04:00

A good friend of ours
living in SoCal
has a birthday today
she's a wonderful gal

She reads lots of books
and cooks lots of bacon
but toast is her favorite
and that's not fakin'

She gives great advice
which she's willing to share
Because deep down inside
she really does care

She works really hard
to raise a great son
She gives what she has
to make him number one

She likes to have fun
and splurge when she can
on movies or games
She's a big sports fan

And on this day
we don't miss this chance
to celebrate with Megan
we sing and we dance

A very special woman
to everyone of us
We go to the effort
to put up a fuss

So three cheers for Megan
on her special day
She is quite magnificent
in so many ways

May your bacon be crispy
and your beer taste terrific
A Happy Birthday to you
because you're Megarific!

xoxoxoxo

Ode to a Random Chick

2011-06-15T12:49:00.003-04:00

Somewhere in Cali

lives a young lady,
Her intentions are good
not the least bit shady.

She writes lots of words
and is quite maternal,
Her addiction to Starbucks
looks to be eternal.

She's cute as the dickens
and so are her kids,
Her hysterical poems
make friends flip their lids.

Her Poetry is Stupid
and humor has no equal,
There's so much to say
she's writing a sequel.

A few weeks ago
we met her in person,
We all loved her lots
there wasn't any cursin'

She brightens our day
just knowing she's there,
Writing about poop,
ideas and hair.

On this day in June
each and every year,
We stop to celebrate
with wine, pizza and beer.

For today is the day
this Chick was born,
She still looks fantastic
not tired and worn.

All of your friends
from near and from far,
Gather here at the Onion
and sit at the bar.

We laugh and we sing
we dance and we play,
All to remember
your special birthday.

Happy Birthday Random Chick!!!

hey kylie

2011-05-24T12:57:00.000-04:00

this is how we do it!!!

Happy Birthday Karen

2011-05-04T00:01:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Dear Karen....

May your special day bring you tons of smiles and happiness...

You should start your day with a wonderful cup of tea...

With a birthday cupcake for a decadent lunch...

A glass or two of wine to start the evening....

Followed by a grand dinner at Cafe Coconut Cove...

Happy Birthday :)

Don't You...Forget About Me!

2011-04-05T03:07:00.000-04:00

it's your birthday, leah!

2011-01-08T08:55:00.005-05:00

we wish you all the great joys of life

smooth hair....

great good health (or hunky doctors)

warm weather & bubbles

pretty drinks

and every good birthday gift you could wish for !

happy happy birthday to you

lots of love to a fantastic lady from all of us onionites

xoxoxoxoxoxox

33?

2011-01-03T07:37:00.002-05:00

Thirty-three posts in 2010? That's ALL? C'mon people. Let's get this together. We've got five days to plan Leah's birthday bash. Any ideas?

the new google

2010-12-18T00:37:00.001-05:00

Smoke in the air.

2010-11-27T23:02:00.001-05:00

After dealing with the holiday crowd, my hair smells like cigaretts.

Where The Hell Is Everyone?!?

2010-10-27T02:31:00.002-04:00

This way?

Or...THIS WAY?

I know which one I'm voting for...

riots in the streets

2010-10-12T14:01:00.001-04:00

after looking at that last post for so long most of the bar patrons went outside to see what else was happening and started a bit of a kerfufful. police were called in for crowd control....

feel free to continue story below or in comment box!

2010-09-18T20:07:00.002-04:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY IV. ENJOY THE YEAR!!! WELL NOT RIGHT THERE. WE THINK THAT'S GERMANY AND IT'S PROBABLY ILLEGAL. TAKE IT IN THE BACK BUDDY.

WITH LOVE FROM ALL OF US!

Hey, Hey, We're The Monkeys!

2010-09-13T14:07:00.001-04:00

Okay, this bar needs some entertainment to get more people in here. I know the economy sucks, but it's livelier at Saggy Bottoms Senior Center than it is here lately!!

We're hiring The Monkeys to do a live show every Monday night. They use actual monkeys now because they've gotten so old...

Peter Tork can't find his keys or his comb...

...Micheal Nesmith can't get up from his chair anymore...

...Micky Dolenz thinks he's Frank Sinatra and wants to open a casino in Vegas...

...and Davey brings out his man boobs as an encore!

Who's up for Happy Hour! I sure do need a drink after seeing those MOOBS!

Megarific Monday!!!

2010-09-06T00:01:00.001-04:00

It's Megarific Monday.... Megan's Birthday falls on a holiday so we can all hang out and celebrate together!

We'll start off the day with toast in the morning. How else could you celebrate Megarific's birthday without toast in the morning?

We all pitched in for a HUGE gift card so Megs can buy all the books she wants...

So many books her library will look like this.

We'll make sure she wins her Fantasy Football Leagues.... AGAIN!

So she doesn't have to wait in the sun while waiting for the train, a brand new parasol to bring her shade...

Since Meg's confessed to being a C+ in the last post, our next stop will be to head over to Vicky's...

... and we'll get her what every woman wants, a Bacon Bra.

And as her special day comes to an end, we'll kick back with a frosty cold beverage....

and a big slice of cake.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MY SPECIAL FRIEND
THE MEGARIFIC, MEGALICIOUS
MEGAN!

Bring your own cups day!!!

2010-09-03T17:05:00.002-04:00

What's your cup size?

did somebody say i try to spice this place up?

2010-08-31T03:51:00.000-04:00

I run for life

2010-08-28T09:25:00.005-04:00

I don't know how I missed it, but I heard this song for the first time on the radio last night. I'm glad that I was almost to my destination because if I were not I would have had to pull over on the side of the road and cried. Instead I sat in my SUV for several minutes in my driveway and cried. This song hold so much meaning for all of us. I'm sure there is not a single individual that has not experienced the loss of a loved one due to Cancer. This song is so powerful just in it's musical and lyrical form, but when you add the videos it just sort of grabs onto your hear with an iron clad fist and won't let go. As I write this post I am thinking about my sister. I am thinking about her amazing spirit and how she apporached each day as if it were her very last. There has never been a person that loved life anymore than my sister. I don't think there has ever been a person that just Loved period more than my sister. Her funeral was a testament to how many lives she had touched. The church was full. Standing room only. There were well over 300 people there and they were all devestated by their loss. It's amazing to think about it. And yet it kills me at the same time. October is quickly approaching. Which means that breast bancer awareness month will soon be upon us. But the sad reality is that breast cancer isn't the only monster. There's leukemia, melanoma, cervical cancer, prostate cancer. So many cancers that it would take me days to list them all. This October I will do my own running. I will be running for the memory of my sister, and for the hope that one day doctors and scientists will find a cure to this horrible disease called cancer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoGa84U5hDo&featuresrelated

Happy B-Day Blottie!!!

2010-08-08T00:01:00.000-04:00

You can find the party here.

You Think You're Cooler Than Me.

2010-07-31T11:48:00.001-04:00

I love this song.

Since everyone else forgot how to post here

2010-07-26T00:04:00.001-04:00

The next party will be here... again

Happy Birthday RC!!!

2010-06-15T06:53:00.005-04:00

Happiest of Birthdays to the Randomist Chickest person we know.

Luv ya RC!!!

Who's Up For A Beach Party?

2010-06-14T13:15:00.000-04:00

To celebrate Summer, RC's throwin' a beach party!!! Everyone is invited!!!

Get yer surf boards dudes 'cuz we're gonna catch us some waves.

What are those crazy guys doing?

Excuse me, Bob. Please put some pants on!!!

That's just too bitchin'!

Give me your tired, your poor, your UNINVITED

2010-06-08T22:23:00.005-04:00

*Megan hears the angry clacking of some slingbacks approaching and runs for her life, but not before pouring Giggie a Lemon Drop!*

Happy Birthday Giggie!

2010-05-09T08:42:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday Gig...
Lemon Drops for everyone!

Happy B-Day Kyles

2010-04-29T10:01:00.005-04:00

Happy B-Day Kyles
Have a slice of cake

2010-04-28T00:56:00.003-04:00

(Suzanne is having a little difficulty in adding any photos, so I'll help her out on this one)

What? Shut up. I can't even get a f***** picture. I've been trying for like 10 freakin' minutes. NOPE. Nothin'. Why? Ahhhhhhhhh...who the hell knows. Blogger doesn't like me because I've been deliquent and because my computer guy screwed the hell out of me. Well, you know what I look like. What the garden looks like. What all my friends and family look like. Pets. Park. Good luck!!!

Drinking out of cups

2010-04-22T18:35:00.002-04:00

This is hilarous. Thought we could use a bit of comedy here at The Onion. I suggest that we all take a hit of his acid and go into the closet with him.
And remember, Lighthouses Rule. If you don't like Lighthouses, you SUCK!

Welcome Back, Cece?

2010-04-20T11:21:00.000-04:00

Maybe not. Actually, I am coming out of hiding in attempts to help out a friend of mine with a very important cause. We are attempting to raise money for Cystic Fibrosis. For those of you who do not know what that is, just know that it is a disease that effects children. By following this link, http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/dsp_DonationPage.cfm?walkid=6333&idUser=216663
you can find out all you need to know about Cystic Fibrosis and help out a couple of great kids that I know.

Spring Fling

2010-04-10T00:46:00.007-04:00

I had such plans for this post but then my sister started texting me from this party she's at, so I'm distracted. I'll be back, but feel free to ADD!!!!!

Duck Butts

2010-03-21T14:59:00.001-04:00

How in the world did I come up with this post? I Googled "ducks" and looked at the images and of course, I had to pick the one with duck butts!

And that's all there was to it!

I miss you guys so I had to swing by for a drink. Can I bring my duck butts? It's not a code violation is it?

What's up? Where is everyone? Where's the vodka??? Bartender, DRINK PLEASE!!!

By the way, I have some duck trivia for you:

Did you know that ducks sleep with half their brains awake? Ducks are more likely to sleep with one eye open when they are located on the edge of sleeping groups. They can detect predators in less than a second.

Bet you didn't know that. And if you did, you're really smart. I mean really.

Hello? Anyone there? Am I just talking to myself? Hellooooo....

Minnesota Nice

2010-02-26T13:46:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't been around much lately... but I am thinking about the ladies of the Wild Onion Cafe!

wild onion sponsored events?

2010-02-18T19:04:00.003-05:00

the wild onion bike to work week?

what events do you see the wild onion sponsoring? something goofy and fun or more serious and heartfelt. there must some sort of good that could happen from all of us hanging around on here. does anyone know how to install a donation button on the side? no-profits must have some sort of linksie dingle thing? know what i mean? have a running tally of how much we've donated to date... that sort of shit. anyways that's was today's brain fart.

Award Season!

2010-02-17T01:37:00.003-05:00

This time of year, Los Angeles is a-buzz with award ceremonies. Seeing people get awards inspires me to...well, give out some awards!

The Bringing the Funny Award goes to:

RC

Woman, you crack me up! I can only imagine what a girls' night out with you would be like. If I had my way, What is Stupid? would be on every bookshelf in the nation. Hooray for Volume II!

The Deserves It and More Award goes to:

BOB

Bob, I can't tell you how happy I am that you got that job up there in the Frozen North. Cheers to you for hanging on to your dreams for a better situation, and even more cheers for doing something to bring them about. And for cheering us on at the same time? Hugs!

The You Can't Stop Her And Why Would You Want To Award goes to:

BLOTTIE

She breaks her head, she breaks her ankle, but she never breaks her promises to her ferals. She tells me I suck, but she loves me anyway. You know you do, Suz. When's the garden party???

The Best Use of Facebook Award goes to:

KAREN

I spend too much time trying to be witty with my Facebook updates. And here we have Karen, doing it effortlessly. And she lets it all hang out. Woman, the only reason I don't comment on everything you say is because I can't take the swarm of messages that I get if I do. I wish I could be so forthright.

The When Does Your Novel Come Out Because I Wants It Now Award goes to:

LEAH

We're all damn good, but I think Leah is our best writer, and I'm not afraid to say so! You read her posts, you get sight, sound, taste, touch, scent...you're transported!

The How Does She DO It Award goes to:

CECE

She works some insane hours and yet she's always there for her boys and for us when we need her. If I had some free time to give away, she'd be the first to get it. If it wasn't for...

KYLIE

I can't find a photo that does her justice. I can't find words to do her justice....but Bob, I can think of an award that is LONG past due.

Congratulations to all our winners! (Goes and stands behind the bar with Gig while you all dance around. "Giggie, we know what we know.")

The Perfect Valentine's Day Card

2010-02-04T12:36:00.005-05:00

Where is everybody? On Facebook??

Okay, we all know that an important holiday is right around the corner. To help all my friends at the Wild Onion be prepared, I've found some of the most perfect Valentine's Day cards out this season. They capture the very essence of this most romantic occasion. Be sure to tell your Valentine exactly how you feel by sending one of these cards:

UPDATE: Okay, for those of you who HATE Valentine's day, please refer to my post from last year>>> 5 Ways to Revolt Against Valentine's Day

What are you eating?

2010-01-25T14:04:00.006-05:00

Okay, I'm on a soapbox now because I saw this documentary last night. I think Suzanne has the right idea being a vegetarian. You know, with all the technology they have these days why can't they make a tomato taste like a steak? They can grow a chicken faster than they did in the 1950s.

You'll never look at dinner the same way again.

Letterman usually isn't funny

2010-01-22T22:24:00.003-05:00

I am so not a fan of David Letterman, but I watched this interview with Joaquin Phoenix and laughed out loud several times during it. I just wanted to share it with all of you that did not catch it and hear what your thoughts on it are.

wrong thong

2010-01-21T15:38:00.001-05:00

suzy is over on facebook blathering on about wanting porn at the onion. she also blathers on at times about how uncomfortable underwear is and now we know why

jeez suze....................................

Happy Birthday Cece!!!

2010-01-20T01:45:00.014-05:00

Are we ready to PARTY!!

I know I am!

So, let's get this Birthday Bash going....

We must have cake...I thought that

Cece should have a choice...Enjoy!

How about some Fresh Fruit... Enjoy!

Move Sweets Anyone.....

The Bar is Open!

Chicken Fried Music with the Zac Brown Band... YeeHaw!!

Let's all wish Cece a Wild, Wonderful Birthday
from the Wild Onion Cafe!!

We Love you, Cece!!

2010-01-18T18:49:00.002-05:00

I have so few options, you have no idea!!! It's Cece's birthday in a few days. I can't do it. I can't load photos. Someone has to step up and make it absolutely amazing. We wouldn't be here without her. So do it right.

Me

2010-01-08T06:51:00.007-05:00

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY LEAH!!!!!!!!!

We all love you very much and hope you make this leap without too much pain. It's only a number honey, and it's a memorable one. Have fun and enjoy your beautiful year. Because trust me, you'll look back with fondness when 50 rolls along!

The gang!

P.S. Sorry, you know I'm having trouble with photos! I have this one available (that's Mickey when he was a baby!), a few others and lots of naked ones. I'm too shy to put up a nake one, but I was driving to the park the other morning and spotted a sticker on the back of a truck that read, "LIFE'S SHORT. PARTY NAKED!" I really don't look at who's driving other cars. I looked. A young woman!!! Laughed all the way to the park. Still laughing now. Okay, so let's get this party started and I think it should be a naked party!!!!! Please add photos and additional text!!! XO ;) Oh, and we need a cake. Who's bartending?

UPDATE: Hi Suzanne! I'm going to add to this post since you're having trouble with photos. Leah, here are some photos I KNOW you'll appreciate (Have you seen a photo of Alan Rickman in a kilt?):

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAH!!!!!

Greetings from Las Vegas

2009-12-27T23:26:00.003-05:00

Random Chick is in Las Vegas for New Years and is currently involved in a bar brawl...but, she took the time to send everyone at the Wild Onion a post card. Can you guess which one she is?

santa runs amok!

2009-12-24T16:44:00.002-05:00

i think stress has got to the old guy

merry christmas, peeps!

UH....

2009-12-08T00:48:00.003-05:00

I wonder who was the lucky boy or girl to receive one of these bad boys as a child.... so good....

The Wild Onion - Bemidji Style

2009-11-21T23:27:00.006-05:00

This place has been way too quiet.
Do I need to be both bartender and party starter?
C'mon people... it's time to get off Facebook and celebrate.
Tonight I turn in my office keys and name badge
and won't look back for a second!!!

So raise a glass with me.... I'm ready to rejoice in my freedom!!!

Happy Friday!

2009-11-06T13:04:00.005-05:00

The Wild Onion Costume Chest

2009-11-03T07:25:00.004-05:00

I've decided we need a well-stocked costume chest here at the Wild Onion. This way, when you come here and want to cast off your everyday self, you can dress yourself up to suit the task.

I'm going to begin by tucking the leftover outfits from the Goth Ball in there.

And I assume we need a plastic fireman's helmet.

So, what else should go in our costume chest?

Goth Ball at the Wild Onion

2009-10-30T12:47:00.012-04:00

Hestia my Inner Goth and I would like to extend a warm invitation to the first annual Wild Onion Halloween Goth Ball. We hope you can make it!

Let me offer you some sartorial possibilities for this occasion--

Ladies, the ever classic mixed metaphor late-Victorian-Goth-Lolita look:

And for the gents (I know, I know, Sarge cracked up when he saw this and my sister commented that it was "Cinnabon Goth"--a reference to Azrael Abyss and Circe Nightshade)--but humor me, won't you:

If you don't care for the Cinnabon Goth look, feel free to break out your black jeans and cloaks...

We'll snack on these:

And of course partake of the lovely absinthe ritual!

And when we're very well oiled, and possibly hallucinating, we'll dance

To this!

But it's pot-luck, so what music, snacks, entertainment, or drinks will you bring along to the Goth Ball?

New Signage at the Wild Onion

2009-10-27T16:24:00.004-04:00

Okay, things are getting a little out of control lately at the Wild Onion. I think we new some new signs to keep the riff raff out and enforce some new rules here. What do you guys think of the signs below?

Seasonal Otin Poetry

2009-10-24T16:19:00.003-04:00

Screaming Night wind, howling cold,
The wind chills to the bone,
Suddenly you realize,
That you are all alone.

Not just today , but everyday,
The emptiness just grows,
Like the color of the dying leaves,
Covered by the snow.

The winter of your life,
A cold and lonely time,
A long and unjust punishment,
For which there was no crime

But still we keep on going,
Remembering just one thing,
That the winter of your life,
Will Someday lead to spring.

um yeah

2009-10-17T06:29:00.002-04:00

i was telling mr inner voices that i'm a bit uninspired about blogging lately and he told me that posting pictures of nekkid people helps.......
so i'm putting that theory to the test

Happy Birthday Queen Goob!!!

2009-10-13T18:02:00.004-04:00

That's it for now. Anyone else feel free to elaborate.

Troy stopped by, to give us his blessing. He says, "Party on, Cafe! Have no fear, my spirit is with you!"

Happy Computing

2009-10-09T01:01:00.002-04:00

It's chocolate... it's cookie... it's dessert!

MONSTER

2009-09-29T11:27:00.001-04:00

I love this song.

Breakfast at the Wild Onion

2009-09-26T12:14:00.002-04:00

Coffee Cupcakes and Mini-Donuts

Coffee AND Cupcakes AND Donuts?

Genius!!!

Web Cam Experiment

2009-09-19T19:34:00.004-04:00

I was messing around with my web cam and trying to figure out how to do some things, so in the spirit of making a fool out of myself, I am going to post the result! I tell a joke and nearly botch the ending. The whole thing might be good for a laugh!

For Zack

2009-09-13T03:48:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Weekend, to our Inner Voices!

Embarrassing Moment!

2009-09-10T20:22:00.000-04:00

When I first moved to North Carolina, the laws and regulations applying to hauling diesel fuel and driving farm tractors on busy highways were pretty lax, to say the least! My coworker, Mike, and I needed fuel, so we hooked up this ratty old trailer to our work truck and went to the gas station to fill it up with diesel. The trailer was in bad shape, it actually leaked a little fuel as it rode down the highway. We filled up and then we headed for the gas station exit which was usually pretty easy to get out of, but not this day! We sat and sat, and I started getting really pissed, I had WORK TO DO!!!
Finally, I told Mike, “Fuck it! I am going”, and I pulled out in front of this lady in an Acura. She started throwing her hands in the air and flashing her lights at me. I got pissed! I was flipping her the bird and putting my head out the window and yelling obscenities! Things calmed down, but she still looked pissed, I got an evil glare each time I looked in my rear view. We rode for a few miles in bumper to bumper traffic on a two lane road. Up ahead of us, Mike saw all of the cars turning and said, “I think we are being detoured”? I was so wrapped up in the lady behind me that I failed to notice that the line of cars was turning in to the cemetery! I had just busted into a funeral procession with a leaky tank of diesel fuel, and had flipped off one of the mourners! I worked with Mike for six more years and every time we passed a funeral procession, we both could not control ourselves, we would start laughing. To this day, I wish I could explain to that woman that we did not realize that it was a funeral! Oh my tortured life!!

First Annual Wild Onion Fashion Show!

2009-09-09T12:13:00.010-04:00

Welcome all you fashion forward drunkards, vegetarians, stress cases, hair dressers, and sloths! Yes, you know who you are!

In our first annual fashion show, we are proud to present these ummm...interesting designs by Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth.

We have no idea where he came from or why he always looks like a druid with a rotting mushroom on his head but everyone is welcome at the Wild Onion, especially when they bring us something to do and pay for all our drinks!

The first design we see here is an exact replica of Frederico's favorite crayon. The color is "dyslexic diorama." We just say, "oooo" and nod our heads approvingly so that Frederico will keep buying us drinks, even though we know he is clinically insane.

This next design was inspired by a dream Frederico once had where aliens in tracksuits were chasing him. Very realistic, don't you think Bob?

Oh, we are so lucky to be able to see this next design. It is very exclusive. Frederico only lets "special" people see it. I think Megan would look FAN-TAS-TIC in this outfit...no?

This next design has Suzanne written all over it. Can't you just see her as a wacked-out little bo peep in her garden looking for her sheep? Frederico is nodding vehemently. In fact, Suzanne was his muse.

Next up is Frederico's pièce de résistance. I think Leah would rock this outfit on her date with Severus. What a couple!

For the finale, one of Frederico's new designs for fall. Now, why he picked these colors for fall we have no idea (and we don't want to know where he found all that orange hair), but again we don't question him. We know he will throw a big tantrum and we can't deal with that. Gig, what do you think? Great outfit for grocery shopping, eh?

Let's all cheer for Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth!

We are glad his fashion show is over. We are all drunk and satiated. Now we want him and his band of fashion-crazed groupies to leave quietly (The last time we asked him to go nicely he and his assistant, Roland, got into a hissy fight. We all know that was NOT pretty.)

Have a Megarific Day!

2009-09-06T00:01:00.004-04:00

This was going to be a BLT, but Suzy ate all the L and T so it's a BBB.
And don't bogart the Wild Turkey

Once upon a time
there was a girl named Megan
A really cool chick
who ate toast and bacon

She had a great family
and a wonderful son
With many blogger friends
who loved her a ton

She would visit everyday
and leave a word or two
on everyone's blog
even when hours were few

And then came the day
on the sixth of September
Her 40th birthday
we all would remember

We would throw a her party
with joy to celebrate
a momentous occasion
we all hope will be great

With music and games
and plenty of food
the drinks will be cold
and taste really good

So we gather together
and raise a glass
To a woman of beauty
of style and class

Happy Birthday Megan
and many, many more
40 is just a number
so quit keeping score

Hopefully this poem
will do the trick
To prove that bob thinks
you are Megarific!

Baking for Megan

2009-09-05T07:58:00.004-04:00

I'm up at dawn and already in the kitchen with my eggs and flour, butter, sugar, and a will to bake for Megan! Our dear dear friend's birthday is tomorrow, as you all know and I thought I'd get a jump-start on the sweets.

Any requests? I mean, besides the rum cake hold the cake, which is merelyme's specialty.

SO.......what are you up to this weekend????

2009-09-04T19:45:00.000-04:00

Wild Onion Special

2009-09-02T23:38:00.005-04:00

Today's soup of the day

No coupon necessary

Hear's another tune for ya!

2009-09-01T17:59:00.004-04:00

I just wanted to share this song with everyone. This is one of my favorite new song that is currently streaming through the radio waves around here. The beat and lyrics are great even if the video is a bit strange. The name of this band is called Cage the Elephant and the song is called "Aint No Rest For The Wicked"

Looney Tunes?

2009-08-30T21:35:00.007-04:00

At work we were discussing music this weekend. And I guess I shocked my co-work with my choices of music. I found this quite interesting. She seemed to have a problem with Godsmack and a few other bands I mentioned.

But she was perfectly ok with this song.

I'm sorry, but "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" how is that any worse than "My Whiskey Hangover"?

I think Whiskey Hangover should be our theme song here at The Onion, but if you all like Lady Gaga, I"m game for that one too. "Love Game" is actually a catchy tune once you get over the shock and awe of the lyrics.

Let's All Put Our Feet Up

2009-08-25T00:33:00.005-04:00

In support of our wounded member (heh, heh, I said member) I've made a temporary alteration to the Cafe.

Yes, our beloved Macy's sofa has been replaced by a mobile model, so our even more beloved Blottie can get home in style:

(Shaddup, Severus, and keep pushing!)

Some of the team is out and about, placing these in all required locations:

And a special crack team of infiltrators have been charged with equipping all corners of The Rose Cottage with these, so that we have every possible angle of kitty attack covered:

Meanwhile, let's relax, have a cup of tea, and give thanks that Suzanne is still with us.

Happy Birthday, JO

2009-08-19T10:04:00.003-04:00

In the US it is only Aug 19th, but in "The Land Down Under", it is Aug 20th. So, I am sending a HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT to JO!!! When I get home from work, I'll make it more of a party, but until then, this is all she gets.

Feel free to add to this as you wish.

OK, I've made it home and now for the update.

No Party is a party without food, so without any further ado, bring on the food. And the BOOZE

Wow, look at what we have on tap here at The Onion!

And our Liquor cabinets are full as well!

And then there's some more food.

A couple of frosty mugs for the Birthday girl and her Kooky Birdlike husband.

(Hiya Mark, long time no see!!)

We even have a great selection of import beers in good ol' aluminum cans.

And don't forget the cake.

For entertainment, I thought I was renting us a Chippendale dancer, but they sent this Chippendale chair instead.

But have no fear, cos Mahonney said he would give us all a lap dance FOR FREE!!!!!

So, that concludes my party for Jo. I hope you have a wonderful day!!!!

I Smell Birthday Candles!!!

2009-08-14T16:43:00.009-04:00

In 6 days we have a very important birthday. Jo turns 29!!! Okay so here's the list because we need the following:

1) Party hats. (Leah can probably have them knitted by then!)
2) Someone has to bake a cake. No I mean really bake it. (We've become very lazy just ordering cakes from Google photos.)
3) Food. We are a bunch of "eaters," so we definitely need food. And please don't forget the vegetarians!
4) Entertainment. I vote for lots of men. I see Kylie's hand is raised way to high, actually both hands. What's she doing trying to flag down a stripper? Okay, guys for Kylie. Hummmmmmmm, Severus' hand is raised, and so's Jorge's, Cece's, and is that Bindi or is she just swatting at a fly? Okay, Random Chickie, you should probably be in charge of entertainment. Don't disappoint because you have a lot of desperate housewives!!! And no, the men on this blog have absolutely NO SAY when it comes to entertainment. None.
5) What to wear? I think this should be a black tie affair. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, just kidding. Come as you are!
6) Someone has to bar tend because Bob has a shell to his ear. I say Giggie. She knows how to mix a mean drink. Okay, we'll all be drinking lemon drops. Oh. My. God.
7) Of course there will be dancing. Paula Abdul has agreed to judge us between jobs. So go out there and get your funk on. Don't hold back. This is for the money honey. The winner will recieved a gorgeous plastic gem set in a gorgeous plastic band. Someone will need to donate 10 cents so I can get it from the gumball machine at Save Mart.
8) I'll do the flowers.
9) Okay, I think we're ready. Cece's the "Boss Lady" so I think this should all be organized through her because I have no clue how to do it!!! What are friends for?! Do you think I should tell her?

:)

Fox New, Unfair and Off Balanced

2009-08-10T21:16:00.008-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAOBlqUqUZ8
I really can't stand Fox News, and this is exactly why.
They take things and completely twist them. The only thing they strive to create in America is fear. I Personally think they should not be allowed to be on the air

Blottie's Birthday Bash

2009-08-08T03:01:00.000-04:00

What the hell are you doing here?

The par-tay for Blottie's 5oth is RIGHT HERE!

WHAT THE....

2009-08-06T15:11:00.001-04:00

*wonders who has been in charge of the recent renovations*

Par-tay Time!

2009-08-05T13:44:00.006-04:00

Suzanne's Big Five-oh is on Saturday. Get ready to par-tay!

Break out the beer.

Crank up the tunes.

Get down and boogie.

Have some cake.

Take a nap.

Just a reminder...

2009-08-03T16:26:00.000-04:00

Someone's birthday is Saturday...

Click Here to join the fun!

i had to look twice at this one

2009-08-02T05:05:00.000-04:00

party party

2009-07-30T07:11:00.002-04:00

it's party time at the onion so i thought i would show you saturday's 'best ever' party. there might be some ideas in here for all you party animals :)

LIMBO?

SWINGING (DONUTS, THAT IS)

take em to the park and they want to stand on the back of the ute?

whats a party without balloons?

and FOOD!!

Moving On

2009-07-25T22:24:00.008-04:00

Gig wanted me to put up a more upbeat post so that we can begin the process of healing. So, I thought I would oblige. I've got the grill all fired up and I'm ready for a good old fashion BBQ. So what do you say Wild Onion Crew? You all want to contribute your favorite dishes, beverages, and desserts? Let the Party begin!!!!

Perhaps we could make it a pool party.

Fresh Veggie Salad

Yummy Veggie Burger Awesome Veggie Rings Delicious Veggie Pizza

Enjoy!!

In Remembrance

2009-07-19T23:15:00.005-04:00

Gig's mother passed away today. I spoke with Gig on the phone this evening and she is dealing with things as best as she can. I told her I would post and let all of you know. So in honor of Gig's mom and for all of the loved ones that each of us are missing in our lives, I wrote these words....

Even though they are gone,they live on inside our hearts.

The memories will never fade as long as our memories remain.

We miss them when they are gone,but we hope deep down in the depth of our souls

that they are indeed in a better place. A place without pain, without flaws, and filled with beauty.

A place where tears of pain never flow, but tears of joy are bountiful.

A place where they can look down upon those of us struggling to cope in this stone cold world with out them. And where they can smile rays of sunshine upon us in order to light our paths to brighter days. I want to believe these things, I need to believe these things, and it is the Remembrance that sees me through. The remembrance that they would want me to continue life as though they had never left. And because I love them, this I must do.

To visit the online Memorial, please click on the link below.
http://obit.memorialobituaries.com/obit-690082

True Friends

2009-07-18T11:10:00.001-04:00

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
~ Bernard Meltzer

Party Animals

2009-07-10T14:17:00.003-04:00

OK since you all are just a group of party animals, I thought you might enjoy this cute one.

I've had it up on my blog for most of this week, but none of you have gone there to comment about it, so I thought I would bring it here. Oh and don't forget to click on the link so that the puppy can get fed. It's free, so JUST DO IT! I'm the Boss!!!! Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Don't forget to click the link!

http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/

Limbo Party!

2009-07-06T13:05:00.002-04:00

How low can you go?

Don't Forget the Sunscreen

2009-07-02T10:22:00.005-04:00

Hey Folks!

Just a friendly reminder from a Random Chick...while you're out there enjoying the summer, don't forget your sunscreen or you'll end up looking like this guy and spending your evening frying eggs on your skin!

Now, where's my snow cone?

Summer Picnic

2009-06-25T23:59:00.000-04:00

Since it's officially summer in this part of the world (sorry Kylie, play along ok?), it is time for the first annual Wild Onion Summer Picnic. As your host, I'll take care of the food and other necessities, but it is up to everyone else to come up with fun summer activities. Let me know what kind of outdoor fun we can have during our big picnic weekend!

I'll fire up the grill and make everyone's favorites!

Every picnic needs to have Fried Chicken...

and the perfect summer food... corn on the cob

We'll have potato salad

Watermelon is always a picnic favorite

I'll bring the remote control beer cooler... so we don't even have to get up to get a drink!

Home made apple pie is a must

We can roast marshmallows and make s'mores

I'll bring sunscreen so Megan doesn't burn again

When the sun goes down we'll have fireworks too.

That's a good start... the rest is up to the Wild Onion gang. It's up to you to make this a picnic to remember!

suze, i dont think you need to bulk up that much for marathons!

2009-06-24T08:45:00.000-04:00

The Kitchen Window...

2009-06-24T01:15:00.003-04:00

There have been a hell of a lot of flowers at the Wild Onion lately. I think the joint needs a change.

XO

P.S. Bob and Karen, thanks. Love you so.

Eye opening...

2009-06-23T19:22:00.002-04:00

You all know me best. I don't want a kind answer. I want the truth.

A person named Prince showed up on my blog and basically told me I'm self centered. Is that true? I want a real answer. Because if it's true, I need to change. I reflected and I'm not sure, but he/she may have a point. I want to hear it from all of you because you know me best. Give me the truth and I'll figure out what to do. Please DO NOT hold back. I want the truth. You know me. I want the truth.

XO

2009-06-22T07:22:00.001-04:00

Yes, you know she's gonna be suckin' on that glass forever if we don't move it along. Someone write a new post.

XO

Ode to a Chick

2009-06-15T10:09:00.000-04:00

It's her birthday

there is no doubt
It's a time to celebrate
not cry or pout.

Our Random Chick
is a super friend
hopefully her ass
is on the mend.

We gather together
at our virtual Cafe
to raise a toast
of the best Chardonnay.

So let's all celebrate
and dance and drink
just don't throw up
in the bathroom sink.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
RANDOM CHICK!!!

Looks Tasty

2009-06-13T20:50:00.002-04:00

I can't look at Homer anymore, so I'm putting up a rather unimaginative but delicious looking lemon martini. I had these at that 007 birthday party of Hedgie's friend, and I was greatly enamoured. With the drink, and with the gentleman solicitously pushing them on the ladies. That was some kiddy party, I tell ya.

Anyway, I'm home and writing, but I needed a break. Hello all!

xo

Thanks Bob for Reminding Me of this Happiest of Days!

2009-06-05T11:32:00.004-04:00

I love Homer but I love donuts even more. Perhaps the most cheerful invention we've come up with, with cupcakes running a close second.

Bob posted about donuts over at JustBobness, and I thought since it's National Donut Day it wouldn't hurt to have two donut posts up. Hope that's okay Bob, but there's really nothing that makes me smile much more than a donut. I believe donuts are life-affirming, little testaments to hope in the universe...

I have brought along a couple of dozen Dunkin Donuts for those of us who like dense cake donuts, and Krispy Kremes (magically, they will never be cold) for those who prefer the lighter kind. Or both for those who like me are not fussy. And will someone from the West Coast bring a dozen Winchell's so I can perform a taste test?

Before I go, I just wanted to say that I found this explanation of National Donut Day:

"National donut day is always the first Friday in June and was originally started during World War 1.

The day is spent commemorating Salvation Army volunteers who braved the front lines in order to provide home cooked foods as a morale boost to soldiers. The donuts made in those days were often times cooked inside of the metal helmets of American soldiers.

Due to their fondness of the fried dough, American infantryman were often called 'Doughboys.'"

Do you think there could be any truth to this? Besides WWI soldiers being called "doughboys" of course---we know that much is true.

Happy Donut Day!

Field Trip

2009-06-03T09:54:00.005-04:00

Let's play hooky--or rather, I'm playing hooky today, and I'd like you all to join me.

We'll cab it up to the Museum of Modern Art (hey, money's no object today) to see the exhibit, Tangled Alphabets. We'll get a little culture, and then hightail it to the museum cafe. Check out the menu and tell me what you're going to have for lunch! My treat.

Then we'll all catch cabs back to work/home. Again, my treat. Do you think we could persuade a cabbie to go to California/Florida/Arkansas/Australia? I bet we could.

God You're A Hard Crowd...

2009-06-02T04:34:00.001-04:00

Okay, so before the new floor was laid I had to make a patch. Paw prints are like finger prints. Rusty.

You bet your ass...

2009-06-01T19:44:00.010-04:00

I called my brother and said "I can't find a grate to fit my vent. He said "Honey, just build it out. My brother should have been the architect. Seriously.

So I did. With T-Bone's help.

Hi honey!!!

You bet your ass I can do all that.

Now can some one figure out how to paint the freakin' baseboard?

Another day...

2009-05-31T05:19:00.005-04:00

I just realized there are seven cats sleeping in my studio. How is that possible? Oh right...because there are 13 so some had to end up here.

Just to update you, T-Bone did a dandy. I was sleeping the other night. Apparently really well. FINALLY!!! He opened the slider in the family room to get out. Doing so, he let out all the kitties. Everyone came back except Phatty Foo Foo and Picasso. Hummmmmmmm. It's been three days. Phatty Foo Foo's going to be a mess with all that long hair.

*Mommy rolls eyes in head.* Will it never end?

New Menu Item

2009-05-22T15:16:00.002-04:00

NEW AT THE WILD ONION!

Enjoy our new French Fry Coated Bacon on a Stick! For those with a hearty appetite and high cholesterol, this meal is sure to pack a punch...but be sure to have those defibrillator paddles nearby, and Alka-Seltzer!

Eat up!

Who Let This Guy In Here?

2009-05-20T14:08:00.000-04:00

Don't we have some rule against something like this? Where's a bouncer when you need one?

Yellow...

2009-05-18T04:35:00.007-04:00

What an interesting journey this has been. I was in the forest the other day feeding my ferals and saw yellow. In a forest ravished by wild fire, yellow is important. Color is important. I walked back and found this little darling. Why would a sunflower be in the forest? Probably because I feed the birds sunflower seeds!! You know me by now, I think about stuff like this. I wondered if I'd imposed? Then wondered if I'd made a difference? I don't know the answer. All I know is a beautiful sunflower bloomed in the woods and I got to see it. I feed kitties who need me. The skunks come, the squirrels, the birds, the deer. They've change me. I'm different than I was 2 years ago. My whole life has changed.
~

P.S. I'll tell you what else has changed. My navigating skills. This was supposed to be at Rose Cottage. What the hell am I going to write over there now? I think I need a beer. I don't even drink beer.

My Old Stomping Grounds...

2009-05-16T16:42:00.005-04:00

My grandparents owned one of the most beautiful homes in the area. Very old, very lovely. My grandfather died, then my grandmother retired from nursing and moved to Arizona. The house of course was sold. First to a lawyer from NYC, then to an artist (a very successful artist). The artist put up a 2,000 square foot studio. It's almost as big as the damn house for Chirst sakes!! The property went up for sale about 2 years ago. I went on the virtual tour, everything. I wanted that house. My entire family wanted that house. Everyone except Dad. Dad grew up in the house and felt no connection to it whatsoever. I remember asking him why. He said "I've already lived in it." I said "Dad, wouldn't you enjoy coming to Thankgiving or Christmas there? You must have fond memories?" He replied, "They're memories. I've moved on." What's up with that? My wacky dad.

I didn't get the house. It was over a half million and I stopped looking because I couldn't sell this one fast enough and after calling the zoning committe realized I couldn't turn the art studio into two rentals because local zoning forbid it. However, I could subdivide the property (3 acres), turn the art studio into a home (at great expense) and sell it for about a half million! *Suze buries head in lap and rolls eyes in head.* God, please help me. Life is often so damn complicated. Is anything still simple? Anything?

I covet one thing in that room. The table, front and center. I have an insane love of tables (oh, and chairs as you all know!). Especially rustic, folk art sorta, kinda tables. It's so pretty and just the right colors. Do you see how beautiful aqua is? Yup, me too.

XO

Par-tay

2009-05-13T21:28:00.001-04:00

The countdown has begun...
Come join the fun!

2009-05-12T08:40:00.002-04:00

all going well, my boy Liam is going to China on a school trip in October. at the first information meeting tonight there was a lot, and i mean a lot, said about how boys and girls will have separate accommodation, about how there will be constant supervision in hotels, about how nobody will accidentally end up in the wrong room.

it was hilarious. on a high school trip, by a government school, this stuff goes without saying. i would never even question it. that is how i would expect it to be.

i know it is tempting. i know some might test the boundaries but not for a second would i even bother to ask about the policy. we all know the policy. dont we???????

just before the flight leaves i would dearly love to run breathlessly up to my boy, waving a box and loudly say "you nearly forgot your condoms"

Party Time Again!!

2009-05-08T18:36:00.007-04:00

May 9th is Gig's birthday. So to celebrate her and her profession I have made her a new sign to advertise in front of the salon. Karen, you can borrow it when Gig isn't using it if you want to.

I tried to plan something spectacular, like parachutists floating down to the ground holding a banner that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GIGGIE!!!!!! But unfortunately, one guy had a little mishap and the whole thing ended up as a disaster. I taped the whole thing so I'm sure you all will see it on the next episode of Real TV.

I thought about having a party for Gig at the school cafeteria, but after reading their sign, I changed my mind.

But I did dip into the till here at The Wild Onion and took out enough money to buy Gig a birthday gift.

Good luck charging up your new batteries for the battery charger, Gig.
So have you all heard the good news about Pizza Hut?

I think they are making pizza special tonight, just for Gig.

And of course, what is a party without the party favors.

I tried my hand at baking, but as you can see, things got a little out of hand. It was all ok until I tried to light the candles!

One of my neighbors was gracious enough to try and help me put out the fire. Eventually we had to call 911.

So after it was all said and done, I was able to salvage this nice little flower cake for Giggie's birthday. Happy Birthday, Gig. I LOVE YOU!!!!

After all of the partying is over, don't forget to get RC's remedy down below for the hangovers.

Help for Hangovers

2009-05-08T12:37:00.002-04:00

Seems we've been partying it up quite a bit here at the Wild Onion Cafe. I brought some Hang Over Tea to help.

Now, doesn't that just make you feel much less nauseous-and-like-your-head-is-going-to-explode?

You don't have to thank me.