Saturday, April 11, 2009

This day has been hilarious from beginning to end. Why? Who knows!

~

No, that's not me. That's some Victoria Secrets model. I'm neither that beautiful nor that sexy, but my nightie sorta looks like that, just cotton, so use your imagination. I woke to the sound of the garbage truck and was out of bed like a bolt of lightning because I suspected the bins hadn't been taken to the curb. Ran to the window. Nope, they hadn't. I was running around like a mad woman looking for my flip flops, the car keys and my sweater, but couldn't find a damn thing, which of course made T-Bone nutty. He's developed this wacky sort of protective thing since his dad left. He blocks my way. I was trying to run down the hallway and couldn't get past him. "Move." "MOVE!!!" He still wouldn't move. I pushed him aside, ran out the door with no shoes and in only my nightie. Oh, forgot to mention...in the pouring rain!!! Only to see my beloved trash collector drive away. "But you forgot me" I yelled! My neighbor was walking by with her darling Shar Pei and said "Suzanne, are you okay? " I replied "What about this doesn't make you think I am?"

~

My trash collector used to go down our side of the street, then turn around and come up the other side so I had time to flag him down. For some reason he's abandoned me. He just keeps going. So I have to get in the car and chase him down! But I couldn't find the keys this time. I ran back inside and looked and looked. No keys. I was wet, cold, and yes, pissed.
~
I fed everyone, did my morning chores, then I heard it. The garbage truck. I'd found the keys and was off. I had flip flops but was still only in my nightie. I hailed her down a block away. Yes, in the pouring rain. "Please, please, please come back for my trash." She said she hadn't been to my block yet. What? Yes, you were there. I saw you. The bins are empty on my side of the street. She told me she'd be there shortly. I drove home. Pulled in the driveway and thought "What?" Went back to tell her she had been there, only to realize she was the "Yard Waste" truck. We laughted. She was not a kind woman at first, but by the end we were laughing so damn hard. She gave me a flyer with the number to call for a "missed" pickup. I called immediately. The woman on the other end of the phone said "How are you?" I replied "Wet." And told her the story. She said "You know this is being recorded." I said "I don't care." We were laughing so hard and she said "You know, this is going to go down in history." Good. It should.
~
I was getting ready to go to the park and I heard it. It was going up the same street, so knew it couldn't be Yard Waste again...it had to be TRASH!!! Still in my nightie and flip flops I bolted out the door in the pouring rain and drove "Black Beauty" to the location. HALLELUJAH There he was. "HI HONEY!!!" How could he resist a woman in a nightie in the pouring rain. He got out, showed me his map and asked where I was. I said "There!" He said, "I haven't done the opposite side of the street yet (yes I know), so just take your bin across the street and I'll pick it up." I drove back, parked and proceeded to take my bin across the street. God please help me!!! Still in flip flops and a nightie and in the pouring rain. Heavy. Very, very heavy and difficult to get across the street because there's a bit of an incline! I started laughing and couldn't stop. Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing. And the more I laughed, the more I couldn't move that damn thing. The life of a newly single woman.


Finally got it there. Before I left for the park I took this photo. No, not a good photo. It's raining. But I accomplished something!


I took this photo for Bindi. She loves Jasmine, and it's blooming, so I picked this bouquet for her.

Before leaving for the park this morning I saw this. Phatty Foo Foo. Phatty is one of my feral rescues and one of the best kitties in the whole world.

I was at the park in the pouring rain this morning. I always try to out race the rain, but this morning it was relentless and I was unable. I was walking back to the car in the pouring rain and then it stopped. I started laughing and couldn't stop. Why? Because what woman would be crazy enough to do what I do every day? Really?! Who? And I started to laugh. I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary. Only one day missed. The day of the big storm that took our tree. I'm proud of what I've done. I'm grateful for the kitties I've rescued, those that are spay and neutered, those that have a better life. I'm grateful and honored. I've lost so many cats, but they showed me the way. I honestly believe they were my destiny. I believe that with all my heart. So as I walked down the bike trail this morning, I looked at the trees I know so well, and my lone car. I'm the only one at the park, and it's a place that's made me brave and strong. It's been a place of peace and heartbreak. It's seen me through a divorce. You would think this place would scare me, but it doesn't. It's made me strong. I cherish this place. I do.

My dream. A shabby chic sofa. All $3,000 of it. No, I can't afford it.
But Ikea came up with a knock-off last year
A chair too.
And an ottoman!
~
All for just over a thousand dollars. Still couldn't afford it. Until....I walked into the thrift store two days ago. I saw the sofa. I wouldn't look. Knew it had to be at least $200. Wouldn't look. Then I looked. $49.99. I nearly died. It was dirty. Looked liked some kid had rubbed charcole all over a pillow, but it was a slip cover. Easily laundered. I checked under the slip cover. New. A band new sofa. I tore off the ticket and never looked back. I found the ottoman. Asked the clerk about it. It didn't have a price because it was being sold with the chair and the chair was bought just moments before I arrived. DAMN! I said "If I buy the sofa can I get the ottoman free?" She said "No, how about $5." SOLD! It's a $150 ottoman!!! I have a new Shabby Chic sofa and ottoman, but no chair. I feel lucky. It's taken two days to get everything laundered, and I swear to God I was putting the slips on the seat cushions a few hours ago and the kitties all ran to watch. I believe they think Mommy is "Carnie Folk." I never cease to amaze them!
With love,
Me

20 comments:

Suzanne said...

This is supposed to be on my freakin' blog. How'd it get here?

Suzanne said...

How in the hell do I get this to my blog?

Suzanne said...

This is NOT supposed to be here and I can't get it to by blog. Whatever.

Oh, and the most beautiful thing. When I arrived home from the park the trash bin was back in my driveway, up near the garage. Someone, probably the trash guy, put it back. How lovely.

reyjr said...

Suzanne! What a story! :D

I think you can "import" it to your blog.

Joyful Jo said...

Oh Suze,
Only you could make a putting a trash bin out sound so exciting. Had me really enthralled.

just bob said...

Put on some clothes woman. No wonder you caught a cold, running around in the rain in just your bed clothes. The sofa and ottoman sound like the bargain of the year. Pick out something nice for the Wild Onion to go with the Macy Sofa next time.

AND PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!

Suzanne said...

Reyjr,

Hi honey! Thanks for the compliment. I tried to cut and paste but no go. Is cut and paste the same as "import?"

Always nice to see your smiling face. I'll drop by to say "Hi" soon.

XO

Suzanne said...

Happy Sunday Jo!

And you know what? Every bit of the story is absolutely true!!! Me and my trash. We make quite a pair, and here's why. By Friday the bin in full, full, full and must be picked up somehow, someway! If it isn't I usually have to wait until Monday for a pickup and that isn't okay (been there, done that). So I've done some crazy stuff on garbage day, and yes, usually in my nightie and flip flops because there's no time to hunt down a sweater after spending so much time hunting down my flip flops and car keys in the dark! I'm in such a panic because if I don't catch him in time, he's gone and my hope of a pickup merely a dream.

A few months ago the trash collector started arriving at around 5:30 am rather than 7:30 am. Why? Who knows? My life went insane because I stopped putting the bins out the night before about a year ago because kids walk by at night and do stupid stuff. Everything was fine. My system worked brilliantly, until recently! I can honestly say the trash collector and I are now friends because this happens more than I'd like to admit. I'm sitting here laughing just thinking about it.

The first time this happened I chased him down in Ms. B.B. in my nightie and flip flops in the pouring rain and in the dark. He started laughing. I think I looked rather pathetic standing there getting drenched, pleading for a pickup. The following week he pulled up to my curb and beeped the horn to let me know I'd screwed up again. I jumped out of bed and ran out in the rain with bare feet and my nightie and wheeled all the heavy bins down (3)in the dark. He just laughed. So that's what he does now. He beeps and I run like a maniac to get everything to the curb.

I questioned why he'd abandon me yesterday without so much as a beep. A different driver. My old pal must be on vacation or ill. Can't believe he didn't warn me!

Love ya Jo! Hugs and kisses to the crew.

P.S. Sorry you have to trip over all my swear words. I'm going to work on that. You may want to pray for me! ;)

Cece said...

You're a riot! A beatiful disaster.

Suzanne said...

Bob,

Do you have any idea how complicated my life is?!!! (Please reference above comment.) The trash man's lucky I have a freakin' nightie on! I generally sleep nude, but now make a special effort Thursday night. This is how complicated my life is...I put my damn post on the Wild Onion instead of my own blog. What's up with that?! Tired I guess.

I scored BIG, BIG, BIG with that sofa and ottoman. In the best Maxwell Smart voice "I missed the chair by that much." It's funny because the chair is almost as expensive as the sofa in the IKEA catalog, but I bet it went for around $25. I wasn't brave enough to ask. Sometimes it's just better not to know, so I'm still hunting for a chair. And after my major scores these past few months, I've decided not to go retail! I can wait it out. My chair is out there and I think I can get her for around $20! I'll do as you requested and try to find a few lovely items for the Wild Onion. Get ready...this could be exciting!

I think the sofa was so cheap because one cushion was totally black. I touch it and it came off on my finger. I new it was either charcoal or pastel. Some kid had just "Gone Wild!" As an artist I knew it would wash right out because it's basically just powder. And it did. The sofa is really lovely, but I'll tell you something, IKEA does some stuff on the cheap. For instance zippers. They don't use heavy duty sofa zippers, they're just regular zippers and every single one has popped, which mean I have to replace them. But hey, I paid $50! I can afford new zippers!

*Walks around Wild Onion looking for some clothes.*

XO

Suzanne said...

Cece,

Thanks darling! I love you. It's often hard to believe this is really my life!

XO

Suzanne said...

Reyjr,

I knew there was a reason I didn't comment on your blog (no, I'm not rude). It's a Google comment page and for some reason I simply can't. We'll always have to chat here. I'll visit more often however. You have such beautiful posts.

XO

Karen ^..^ said...

I commented on this post on your personal blog. Sorry, should have done it here.

Muahh! Happy Easter dear girl.

reyjr said...

It's amazing that your typing can catch up with your brain/mouth. Did u take typing lessons or something? Or do you have one of those amazing gadgets that type whatever you say? I want one too! :p

Suzanne said...

Karen, How the hell'd my post get here? I still look and can't believe I was that tired!!! You know how hard I try!

XO

Suzanne said...

Reyjr,

Oh my darling, darling young man. Let me tell you my secret. My typing got me through college!!! I started off as a simple file clerk at a law firm while living in Berkeley, and moved all the way up to executive assistant. It only took about 8 years! Perhaps 7. Who counts? I can type over 100 words a minute. 90 on a bad day! Kinda funny, but absolutely true. Unfortunately I think faster than I type. I'm sure that's my problem.

I learned to type in high school. I'm sure counselors thought I didn't have "potential" so directed me toward office work. Yes, I was highly insulted, but went with the program. I took to typing like a fish to water. I got out of town as quickly as possible and nearly have my PhD. They were wrong about me, but I'm still one mean typist thanks to "them."

Good luck!!!

XO

P.S. Why do I know so many engineers? It cracks me up.

reyjr said...

hey hey! I'm an engineer too! a mechanical engineer ;) +1 (was that random?)

Suzanne said...

reyjr...I know your an engineer. It makes me laugh. I was nearly an architect before becoming an artist. It makes me laugh. We're all connected and that's a really, really, beautiful thing. Love you dear.

Suzanne said...

And a "mechanical" engineer. My favorite. I don't know why, but always found mechanical engineering fascinating. My life has been littered with engineers. Why? I don't know, but I feel lucky. As if I'm in Engineering Heaven! We were destined to meet!

Honey, what are you desiging? Yes, I'm actually interested.

XO

reyjr said...

Unfortunately (or fortunately haha) I am not designing anything at the moment save for my blog's layout haha... Working more on process management and reliability engineering for an oil company (which is really obvious on this post). But really don't want to talk work here. Ugh. Haha.