Sunday, December 27, 2009

Greetings from Las Vegas

Random Chick is in Las Vegas for New Years and is currently involved in a bar brawl...but, she took the time to send everyone at the Wild Onion a post card. Can you guess which one she is?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

santa runs amok!

i think stress has got to the old guy
merry christmas, peeps!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I wonder who was the lucky boy or girl to receive one of these bad boys as a child.... so good....

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Wild Onion - Bemidji Style

This place has been way too quiet.
Do I need to be both bartender and party starter?
C'mon people... it's time to get off Facebook and celebrate.
Tonight I turn in my office keys and name badge
and won't look back for a second!!!

So raise a glass with me.... I'm ready to rejoice in my freedom!!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Wild Onion Costume Chest

I've decided we need a well-stocked costume chest here at the Wild Onion. This way, when you come here and want to cast off your everyday self, you can dress yourself up to suit the task.

I'm going to begin by tucking the leftover outfits from the Goth Ball in there.

And I assume we need a plastic fireman's helmet.

So, what else should go in our costume chest?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Goth Ball at the Wild Onion

Hestia my Inner Goth and I would like to extend a warm invitation to the first annual Wild Onion Halloween Goth Ball. We hope you can make it!

Let me offer you some sartorial possibilities for this occasion--

Ladies, the ever classic mixed metaphor late-Victorian-Goth-Lolita look:

And for the gents (I know, I know, Sarge cracked up when he saw this and my sister commented that it was "Cinnabon Goth"--a reference to Azrael Abyss and Circe Nightshade)--but humor me, won't you:

If you don't care for the Cinnabon Goth look, feel free to break out your black jeans and cloaks...

We'll snack on these:

And of course partake of the lovely absinthe ritual!

And when we're very well oiled, and possibly hallucinating, we'll dance

To this!

But it's pot-luck, so what music, snacks, entertainment, or drinks will you bring along to the Goth Ball?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

New Signage at the Wild Onion

Okay, things are getting a little out of control lately at the Wild Onion. I think we new some new signs to keep the riff raff out and enforce some new rules here. What do you guys think of the signs below?

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Seasonal Otin Poetry

Screaming Night wind, howling cold,
The wind chills to the bone,
Suddenly you realize,
That you are all alone.

Not just today , but everyday,
The emptiness just grows,
Like the color of the dying leaves,
Covered by the snow.

The winter of your life,
A cold and lonely time,
A long and unjust punishment,
For which there was no crime

But still we keep on going,
Remembering just one thing,
That the winter of your life,
Will Someday lead to spring.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

um yeah

i was telling mr inner voices that i'm a bit uninspired about blogging lately and he told me that posting pictures of nekkid people helps.......
so i'm putting that theory to the test

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Happy Birthday Queen Goob!!!

That's it for now. Anyone else feel free to elaborate.

Troy stopped by, to give us his blessing. He says, "Party on, Cafe! Have no fear, my spirit is with you!"

Friday, October 9, 2009

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Web Cam Experiment

I was messing around with my web cam and trying to figure out how to do some things, so in the spirit of making a fool out of myself, I am going to post the result! I tell a joke and nearly botch the ending. The whole thing might be good for a laugh!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Embarrassing Moment!

When I first moved to North Carolina, the laws and regulations applying to hauling diesel fuel and driving farm tractors on busy highways were pretty lax, to say the least! My coworker, Mike, and I needed fuel, so we hooked up this ratty old trailer to our work truck and went to the gas station to fill it up with diesel. The trailer was in bad shape, it actually leaked a little fuel as it rode down the highway. We filled up and then we headed for the gas station exit which was usually pretty easy to get out of, but not this day! We sat and sat, and I started getting really pissed, I had WORK TO DO!!!
Finally, I told Mike, “Fuck it! I am going”, and I pulled out in front of this lady in an Acura. She started throwing her hands in the air and flashing her lights at me. I got pissed! I was flipping her the bird and putting my head out the window and yelling obscenities! Things calmed down, but she still looked pissed, I got an evil glare each time I looked in my rear view. We rode for a few miles in bumper to bumper traffic on a two lane road. Up ahead of us, Mike saw all of the cars turning and said, “I think we are being detoured”? I was so wrapped up in the lady behind me that I failed to notice that the line of cars was turning in to the cemetery! I had just busted into a funeral procession with a leaky tank of diesel fuel, and had flipped off one of the mourners! I worked with Mike for six more years and every time we passed a funeral procession, we both could not control ourselves, we would start laughing. To this day, I wish I could explain to that woman that we did not realize that it was a funeral! Oh my tortured life!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

First Annual Wild Onion Fashion Show!

Welcome all you fashion forward drunkards, vegetarians, stress cases, hair dressers, and sloths! Yes, you know who you are!

In our first annual fashion show, we are proud to present these ummm...interesting designs by Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth.

We have no idea where he came from or why he always looks like a druid with a rotting mushroom on his head but everyone is welcome at the Wild Onion, especially when they bring us something to do and pay for all our drinks!

The first design we see here is an exact replica of Frederico's favorite crayon. The color is "dyslexic diorama." We just say, "oooo" and nod our heads approvingly so that Frederico will keep buying us drinks, even though we know he is clinically insane.

This next design was inspired by a dream Frederico once had where aliens in tracksuits were chasing him. Very realistic, don't you think Bob?

Oh, we are so lucky to be able to see this next design. It is very exclusive. Frederico only lets "special" people see it. I think Megan would look FAN-TAS-TIC in this

This next design has Suzanne written all over it. Can't you just see her as a wacked-out little bo peep in her garden looking for her sheep? Frederico is nodding vehemently. In fact, Suzanne was his muse.

Next up is Frederico's pièce de résistance. I think Leah would rock this outfit on her date with Severus. What a couple!

For the finale, one of Frederico's new designs for fall. Now, why he picked these colors for fall we have no idea (and we don't want to know where he found all that orange hair), but again we don't question him. We know he will throw a big tantrum and we can't deal with that. Gig, what do you think? Great outfit for grocery shopping, eh?

Let's all cheer for Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth!

We are glad his fashion show is over. We are all drunk and satiated. Now we want him and his band of fashion-crazed groupies to leave quietly (The last time we asked him to go nicely he and his assistant, Roland, got into a hissy fight. We all know that was NOT pretty.)

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Have a Megarific Day!

This was going to be a BLT, but Suzy ate all the L and T so it's a BBB.
And don't bogart the Wild Turkey

Once upon a time
there was a girl named Megan
A really cool chick
who ate toast and bacon

She had a great family
and a wonderful son
With many blogger friends
who loved her a ton

She would visit everyday
and leave a word or two
on everyone's blog
even when hours were few

And then came the day
on the sixth of September
Her 40th birthday
we all would remember

We would throw a her party
with joy to celebrate
a momentous occasion
we all hope will be great

With music and games
and plenty of food
the drinks will be cold
and taste really good

So we gather together
and raise a glass
To a woman of beauty
of style and class

Happy Birthday Megan
and many, many more
40 is just a number
so quit keeping score

Hopefully this poem
will do the trick
To prove that bob thinks
you are Megarific!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Baking for Megan

I'm up at dawn and already in the kitchen with my eggs and flour, butter, sugar, and a will to bake for Megan! Our dear dear friend's birthday is tomorrow, as you all know and I thought I'd get a jump-start on the sweets.

Any requests? I mean, besides the rum cake hold the cake, which is merelyme's specialty.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Hear's another tune for ya!

I just wanted to share this song with everyone. This is one of my favorite new song that is currently streaming through the radio waves around here. The beat and lyrics are great even if the video is a bit strange. The name of this band is called Cage the Elephant and the song is called "Aint No Rest For The Wicked"

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Looney Tunes?

At work we were discussing music this weekend. And I guess I shocked my co-work with my choices of music. I found this quite interesting. She seemed to have a problem with Godsmack and a few other bands I mentioned.

But she was perfectly ok with this song.

I'm sorry, but "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" how is that any worse than "My Whiskey Hangover"?

I think Whiskey Hangover should be our theme song here at The Onion, but if you all like Lady Gaga, I"m game for that one too. "Love Game" is actually a catchy tune once you get over the shock and awe of the lyrics.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Let's All Put Our Feet Up

In support of our wounded member (heh, heh, I said member) I've made a temporary alteration to the Cafe.

Yes, our beloved Macy's sofa has been replaced by a mobile model, so our even more beloved Blottie can get home in style:

(Shaddup, Severus, and keep pushing!)

Some of the team is out and about, placing these in all required locations:

And a special crack team of infiltrators have been charged with equipping all corners of The Rose Cottage with these, so that we have every possible angle of kitty attack covered:

Meanwhile, let's relax, have a cup of tea, and give thanks that Suzanne is still with us.