Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Do I need to be both bartender and party starter?
C'mon people... it's time to get off Facebook and celebrate.
Tonight I turn in my office keys and name badge
and won't look back for a second!!!
So raise a glass with me.... I'm ready to rejoice in my freedom!!!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I've decided we need a well-stocked costume chest here at the Wild Onion. This way, when you come here and want to cast off your everyday self, you can dress yourself up to suit the task.
I'm going to begin by tucking the leftover outfits from the Goth Ball in there.
And I assume we need a plastic fireman's helmet.
So, what else should go in our costume chest?
Friday, October 30, 2009
Let me offer you some sartorial possibilities for this occasion--
Ladies, the ever classic mixed metaphor late-Victorian-Goth-Lolita look:
And for the gents (I know, I know, Sarge cracked up when he saw this and my sister commented that it was "Cinnabon Goth"--a reference to Azrael Abyss and Circe Nightshade)--but humor me, won't you:
If you don't care for the Cinnabon Goth look, feel free to break out your black jeans and cloaks...
We'll snack on these:
And of course partake of the lovely absinthe ritual!
And when we're very well oiled, and possibly hallucinating, we'll dance
But it's pot-luck, so what music, snacks, entertainment, or drinks will you bring along to the Goth Ball?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
The wind chills to the bone,
Suddenly you realize,
That you are all alone.
Not just today , but everyday,
The emptiness just grows,
Like the color of the dying leaves,
Covered by the snow.
A cold and lonely time,
A long and unjust punishment,
For which there was no crime
But still we keep on going,
Remembering just one thing,
That the winter of your life,
Will Someday lead to spring.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Finally, I told Mike, “Fuck it! I am going”, and I pulled out in front of this lady in an Acura. She started throwing her hands in the air and flashing her lights at me. I got pissed! I was flipping her the bird and putting my head out the window and yelling obscenities! Things calmed down, but she still looked pissed, I got an evil glare each time I looked in my rear view. We rode for a few miles in bumper to bumper traffic on a two lane road. Up ahead of us, Mike saw all of the cars turning and said, “I think we are being detoured”? I was so wrapped up in the lady behind me that I failed to notice that the line of cars was turning in to the cemetery! I had just busted into a funeral procession with a leaky tank of diesel fuel, and had flipped off one of the mourners! I worked with Mike for six more years and every time we passed a funeral procession, we both could not control ourselves, we would start laughing. To this day, I wish I could explain to that woman that we did not realize that it was a funeral! Oh my tortured life!!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
In our first annual fashion show, we are proud to present these ummm...interesting designs by Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth.
We have no idea where he came from or why he always looks like a druid with a rotting mushroom on his head but everyone is welcome at the Wild Onion, especially when they bring us something to do and pay for all our drinks!
The first design we see here is an exact replica of Frederico's favorite crayon. The color is "dyslexic diorama." We just say, "oooo" and nod our heads approvingly so that Frederico will keep buying us drinks, even though we know he is clinically insane.
This next design was inspired by a dream Frederico once had where aliens in tracksuits were chasing him. Very realistic, don't you think Bob?
Oh, we are so lucky to be able to see this next design. It is very exclusive. Frederico only lets "special" people see it. I think Megan would look FAN-TAS-TIC in this outfit...no?
This next design has Suzanne written all over it. Can't you just see her as a wacked-out little bo peep in her garden looking for her sheep? Frederico is nodding vehemently. In fact, Suzanne was his muse.
Next up is Frederico's pièce de résistance. I think Leah would rock this outfit on her date with Severus. What a couple!
For the finale, one of Frederico's new designs for fall. Now, why he picked these colors for fall we have no idea (and we don't want to know where he found all that orange hair), but again we don't question him. We know he will throw a big tantrum and we can't deal with that. Gig, what do you think? Great outfit for grocery shopping, eh?
Let's all cheer for Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth!
We are glad his fashion show is over. We are all drunk and satiated. Now we want him and his band of fashion-crazed groupies to leave quietly (The last time we asked him to go nicely he and his assistant, Roland, got into a hissy fight. We all know that was NOT pretty.)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
And don't bogart the Wild Turkey
Once upon a time
there was a girl named Megan
A really cool chick
who ate toast and bacon
She had a great family
and a wonderful son
With many blogger friends
who loved her a ton
She would visit everyday
and leave a word or two
on everyone's blog
even when hours were few
And then came the day
on the sixth of September
Her 40th birthday
we all would remember
We would throw a her party
with joy to celebrate
a momentous occasion
we all hope will be great
With music and games
and plenty of food
the drinks will be cold
and taste really good
So we gather together
and raise a glass
To a woman of beauty
of style and class
Happy Birthday Megan
and many, many more
40 is just a number
so quit keeping score
Hopefully this poem
will do the trick
To prove that bob thinks
you are Megarific!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I'm up at dawn and already in the kitchen with my eggs and flour, butter, sugar, and a will to bake for Megan! Our dear dear friend's birthday is tomorrow, as you all know and I thought I'd get a jump-start on the sweets.
Any requests? I mean, besides the rum cake hold the cake, which is merelyme's specialty.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
But she was perfectly ok with this song.
I'm sorry, but "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" how is that any worse than "My Whiskey Hangover"?
I think Whiskey Hangover should be our theme song here at The Onion, but if you all like Lady Gaga, I"m game for that one too. "Love Game" is actually a catchy tune once you get over the shock and awe of the lyrics.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Yes, our beloved Macy's sofa has been replaced by a mobile model, so our even more beloved Blottie can get home in style:
(Shaddup, Severus, and keep pushing!)
Some of the team is out and about, placing these in all required locations:
And a special crack team of infiltrators have been charged with equipping all corners of The Rose Cottage with these, so that we have every possible angle of kitty attack covered:
Meanwhile, let's relax, have a cup of tea, and give thanks that Suzanne is still with us.