Friday, October 31, 2008

I've gotta load the dishwasher...

What? Yes, it's true, I have to load the dishwasher at approx. 2 am. I'm a bit behind the 8 ball. But look! Mr Shife has my book and it should help him. Apparently it didn't help me because I'm still screwed up.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Where's Suzanne?

When we last saw
Our dear sweet Suzanne
She was at the DMV
Of which she's not a fan

She was frustrated
About the long, long line
Then she disappeared
That must be a bad sign

Suzanne has gone missing
She hasn't been around
We're looking every where
She's no where to be found

We have all looked low
And we've all looked high
We're calling in an expert
His name Magnum P.I.

Hopefully he can find her
and bring her humor back
Because we all miss her dearly
Her presence we all lack

The joint we call the Cafe
hasn't been the same
It isn't as fun without her
Quite frankly its a little lame

So Magnum get to work
and help us all good man
The gang all misses her
Our Blottie Miss Suzanne.


apparently since all of our wait staff have all been off campaigning for their favorite runner-ups in the presidential election, or off vacationing in the east, busy changing diapers or getting the latest color belt in the karate world, everything has been left unattended here...

*drinks last of jeager in cooler*

and since I'm more partial to drinking than eating, this suits me just fine, but i can only be responsible for making hot dogs ala inner voices style (see picture above)...

last item on the agenda, i propose we have a bit of a contest! we need a slogan for our restaurant. like the one pictured above.... i put it to you, our patrons, our staff, our lurkers, and to the bums out back in our dumpsters to come up with a slogan for this wacky joint...all in agreement say aye!!! good luck...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

A Trip to Hicks Orchard in the Adirondacks

Join me on a little road trip to my favorite apple orchard in the Adirondacks of NY State, one of the last weekends to go before the frosts set in. Don't forget your down jackets, earmuffs, and mittens! For those of you transplanted East-Coasters missing the colors of Autumn, we'll take the long way to admire the foliage:

After a few hours of singing "99 bottles of beer" and taking in the beauty, and snacking on cheese sandwiches, we'll arrive at Hicks:

where we'll pick a bushel or two of Macouns

When we've picked our fill, and our noses are red with cold, we'll go on over to the farmhouse and sample the

and the

and return home, to start over again on a new day, this time happy and full of cider donuts and apple wine and fresh air!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A Beer, A Valium, and Something Chocolate

This post is dedicated to Queen Goob. I think I'm gonna write a book with that title...can I steal it Queen Goob? LOL!!

And don't think that just because this is dedicated to Queen Goob that you all can't enjoy this bountiful feast of plenty.


new feature

random has need for a beer and some other items today so i decided to bring the wild onion to her!!! as a new service (and part of our full service bar mission statement) we have added our portable bar feature. no more waiting to the end of the day for that tasty beverage folks!!! that's right, simply sign up and we will drive to your home, place of work, girlfriends house or wherever to give that that "at home at the bar" feeling only the onion can give....

Monday, October 20, 2008

Nerds Gone Wild

Over at CSI's Place there's been a nerd competition going on the past few days. It's hilarious and accompanied by unseemly photos, and if you've missed it, well, head over there pronto for a good giggle. Now I'd like to invite all nerds to come party at the Wild Onion. We've always been a safe haven for people to let their freak flags fly, and now I suggest we all let our nerd flags fly to the music of Weird Al Yankovic. Bring your own nerd snacks, and your platform boots and Princess Leia hairdos and join the party. The only cover charge is one quick admission of your nerdliness--tell us one thing about yourself that you feel suitably reveals that inner nerd.

C'mon, don't be shy, we're all friends here!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Bail Out Story.

Ok first off, you all need a little back ground information before you fully appreciate this story. I have a crazy neighbor. Just ask Suzanne. She's heard crazy neighbor stories before. Anyway, "Crazy Neighbor has a car. The car is in her dead mother's name. The licence plate expired on her car back in about May. Crazy Neighbor for some reason or another is not able to renew the tags. I am guessing it is because the car is in her dead mother's name. Well, Crazy Neighbor has been pulled over several times and given several tickets due to the fact that she has no license plate on her car. She has been pulled over so many times that she was required to appear in court. Which we took her too. Well, she failed to pay one of her fines, and a warrant was put out for her arrest. On Tuesday, I get a phone call. It is Crazy Neighbor. She is sobbing hysterically and trying to tell me that she has been pulled over by a cop.

Because of the warrant, they are going to arrest her. She has her Bichon Frise, Molly, with her, and she needs someone to come up and pick up the dog or they are going to call Animal Control. I tell her I will be right there, and I go to get the dog.
I get there, and she tells me that her married boyfriend has agreed to meet me someplace to give me the money to bail her out of jail. She gives me a phone number in which to call this guy to arrange a meeting place to get the money. After she has been carted off to jail, I attempt to call the number. Unfortunately I am one digit too short to have the workable number.
So I travel to the police department, and I get the correct number to call the married boyfriend. I meet him in the parking lot of the local hospital and he secretly passed a $100 bill into my window. It feels like a drug deal going down. He is looking all around for spying eyes. After a brief conversation, I travel, with dog in lap, back to the police department. Much to my surprise, I find out that it isn't a simple $100 to bail her out. Instead it is $385. Unable to obtain anymore money from the married boyfriend, I proceed to my bank and with draw enough cash to bail out my broke, crazy neighbor.

But waisting 2 hours of my time, and $285 of my money was not enough for her. She wanted me to first take her to Wal-mart so that she could grocery shop, and then take her back to her car so that she could DRIVE IT HOME. I was flabbergasted. "You're driving your car home? What if the cops are watching it and waiting for you to do just that," I ask incredulously. "Well, I can't leave it there." was her astonished reply. I just shook my head and took her to Wal-Mart and then back to her car. I followed her home, and luckily we made it back without incident. I told her that I would not bail her out again. She has paid half of the money back, with the rest coming hopefully in the next 24 hours. And that is the "Bail Out" story. So my question to you all. What to you do when you have a crazy women who lives two houses down from you that has attached herself to you and is not able to function in society like this woman? How do I cut the apron strings that should not be attached to this woman and myself without causing even more mental damage? And how do I do this safely without causing harm to myself and my family? Suggestions anyone???????

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Orgasmic Pizzahhh and Popcorn...and BEER!


I'm back from Chi-town and I brought some orgasmic pizz-ahhh and popcorn to share...



And of course, to wash it all down I brought some BEER, apparently, these are the best beers in Chicago...


Monday, October 13, 2008

Queen (Goob) for A Day

She's been really, really, really, really, really busy lately... but hopefully our Queen Goob will slow down long enough to celebrate her birthday with us at the Cafe.

We'll have Publix Fried Chicken...

and coleslaw for Suzanne
(save some for me too!)

I've ordered extra beer for the occasion

Since Queenie loves football and it's Monday Night... we'll watch the game...

Then we'll play Bow Wow Trivia...

Every Queen needs a crown... and we'll throw in the earrings too

We all chipped in for a Starbucks Gift Card

and two rocking chairs to enjoy on her back porch.

From the Wild Onion Cafe crew....
Happy Birthday Queen Goob!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Sometimes you just need a friend to lean on...

Sometimes a friend can help you out when you don't expect it......

Sweet Pea & Hopper

I received a call from Cece while trying to feed the kitties, dog, fish and open the slider to the back yard. She'll agree, the slider is stuck. We discussed WD40 and canned air. It got all stuck only yesterday, but one day is enough for me. I don't have time for stupid stuff. I'm going to spray the hell out of it and hope for the best.

Yes, she was crying. It was a very difficult day. Work was hard, home life was hard, life without Dad, hard. She cried through the slider, cried through feeding the kitties, cried through breaking up a fight between Mickey and Sage, cried through putting towels in the dryer, cried over the sound of the dishwasher, cried as I ran outside to save some doves from Hopper. It's been a difficult day for our dear friend and she needs each and every one of us, so if you have time, please give her some love and support. She rarely cries like this, so please lend your heart. She's a damn good woman.

Love you Cece. Hope you found the olive oil!!! Hang in there baby. Hope you don't mind me sharing such a beautiful phone call.



I just thought this was the perfect post to share this song. And no, I don't mind that you have told all of our friends that I'm a big cry baby today.

Love you, dear friend.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Beauty, Tranquility, Friendship

I Googled "beauty," "tranquility," and "friendship" in images and then I selected the ones I thought you all would like. This post is dedicated to all my friends here at the Wild Onion Cafe, and especially to our lovely Cecile.


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Friend in Need

Hey Everyone,

Cecile called me yesterday to let me know that her Father has passed away. I'm hoping that he went peacefully and had no pain. She wanted me to let you all know that she won't be around for a little while but she appreciates all your thoughts and prayers.

Let's raise a glass to Cecile's Father and to both her and her family's peace of mind during their time of mourning.

We love you Cecile!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

A special Message To You

I just wanted to let everyone know how special all of you are to me.
I don't know how we all managed to find each other, but I am so glad that we did.
You all have helped me get through so many hard knocks here lately, and although I am facing yet another huge hurdle in the road, I know that each and everyone of you will be here for me with words of wisdom, encouragement, and merriment. So I just want you all to listen to this song and realize that each and everyone one of you have left something worth leaving behind.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

This Week Sucks!

It seems that all of us here at the cafe are having a sucky week, so what should be do? Cry in our beer? Just give up?


Inner Voices is going to do a table top dance for us...

Bob is going to put a lampshade on his head...

Leah is going to flush herself down the toilet...

Queen Goob is going to do a fashion show for us...

Cecile is going to breakdance...

Gig is going to put on some glasses...

Suzanne is going to paint the walls blue...

I am going to shave my head and attack an SUV with an umbrella...

Then we're all going to meet up here and have a drink!

Come on and join the fun!