Saturday, September 19, 2009

Web Cam Experiment

I was messing around with my web cam and trying to figure out how to do some things, so in the spirit of making a fool out of myself, I am going to post the result! I tell a joke and nearly botch the ending. The whole thing might be good for a laugh!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Embarrassing Moment!

When I first moved to North Carolina, the laws and regulations applying to hauling diesel fuel and driving farm tractors on busy highways were pretty lax, to say the least! My coworker, Mike, and I needed fuel, so we hooked up this ratty old trailer to our work truck and went to the gas station to fill it up with diesel. The trailer was in bad shape, it actually leaked a little fuel as it rode down the highway. We filled up and then we headed for the gas station exit which was usually pretty easy to get out of, but not this day! We sat and sat, and I started getting really pissed, I had WORK TO DO!!!
Finally, I told Mike, “Fuck it! I am going”, and I pulled out in front of this lady in an Acura. She started throwing her hands in the air and flashing her lights at me. I got pissed! I was flipping her the bird and putting my head out the window and yelling obscenities! Things calmed down, but she still looked pissed, I got an evil glare each time I looked in my rear view. We rode for a few miles in bumper to bumper traffic on a two lane road. Up ahead of us, Mike saw all of the cars turning and said, “I think we are being detoured”? I was so wrapped up in the lady behind me that I failed to notice that the line of cars was turning in to the cemetery! I had just busted into a funeral procession with a leaky tank of diesel fuel, and had flipped off one of the mourners! I worked with Mike for six more years and every time we passed a funeral procession, we both could not control ourselves, we would start laughing. To this day, I wish I could explain to that woman that we did not realize that it was a funeral! Oh my tortured life!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

First Annual Wild Onion Fashion Show!

Welcome all you fashion forward drunkards, vegetarians, stress cases, hair dressers, and sloths! Yes, you know who you are!

In our first annual fashion show, we are proud to present these ummm...interesting designs by Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth.

We have no idea where he came from or why he always looks like a druid with a rotting mushroom on his head but everyone is welcome at the Wild Onion, especially when they bring us something to do and pay for all our drinks!

The first design we see here is an exact replica of Frederico's favorite crayon. The color is "dyslexic diorama." We just say, "oooo" and nod our heads approvingly so that Frederico will keep buying us drinks, even though we know he is clinically insane.

This next design was inspired by a dream Frederico once had where aliens in tracksuits were chasing him. Very realistic, don't you think Bob?

Oh, we are so lucky to be able to see this next design. It is very exclusive. Frederico only lets "special" people see it. I think Megan would look FAN-TAS-TIC in this

This next design has Suzanne written all over it. Can't you just see her as a wacked-out little bo peep in her garden looking for her sheep? Frederico is nodding vehemently. In fact, Suzanne was his muse.

Next up is Frederico's pièce de résistance. I think Leah would rock this outfit on her date with Severus. What a couple!

For the finale, one of Frederico's new designs for fall. Now, why he picked these colors for fall we have no idea (and we don't want to know where he found all that orange hair), but again we don't question him. We know he will throw a big tantrum and we can't deal with that. Gig, what do you think? Great outfit for grocery shopping, eh?

Let's all cheer for Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth!

We are glad his fashion show is over. We are all drunk and satiated. Now we want him and his band of fashion-crazed groupies to leave quietly (The last time we asked him to go nicely he and his assistant, Roland, got into a hissy fight. We all know that was NOT pretty.)

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Have a Megarific Day!

This was going to be a BLT, but Suzy ate all the L and T so it's a BBB.
And don't bogart the Wild Turkey

Once upon a time
there was a girl named Megan
A really cool chick
who ate toast and bacon

She had a great family
and a wonderful son
With many blogger friends
who loved her a ton

She would visit everyday
and leave a word or two
on everyone's blog
even when hours were few

And then came the day
on the sixth of September
Her 40th birthday
we all would remember

We would throw a her party
with joy to celebrate
a momentous occasion
we all hope will be great

With music and games
and plenty of food
the drinks will be cold
and taste really good

So we gather together
and raise a glass
To a woman of beauty
of style and class

Happy Birthday Megan
and many, many more
40 is just a number
so quit keeping score

Hopefully this poem
will do the trick
To prove that bob thinks
you are Megarific!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Baking for Megan

I'm up at dawn and already in the kitchen with my eggs and flour, butter, sugar, and a will to bake for Megan! Our dear dear friend's birthday is tomorrow, as you all know and I thought I'd get a jump-start on the sweets.

Any requests? I mean, besides the rum cake hold the cake, which is merelyme's specialty.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Hear's another tune for ya!

I just wanted to share this song with everyone. This is one of my favorite new song that is currently streaming through the radio waves around here. The beat and lyrics are great even if the video is a bit strange. The name of this band is called Cage the Elephant and the song is called "Aint No Rest For The Wicked"