Welcome all you fashion forward drunkards, vegetarians, stress cases, hair dressers, and sloths! Yes, you know who you are!
In our first annual fashion show, we are proud to present these ummm...interesting designs by Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth.
We have no idea where he came from or why he always looks like a druid with a rotting mushroom on his head but everyone is welcome at the Wild Onion, especially when they bring us something to do and pay for all our drinks!
The first design we see here is an exact replica of Frederico's favorite crayon. The color is "dyslexic diorama." We just say, "oooo" and nod our heads approvingly so that Frederico will keep buying us drinks, even though we know he is clinically insane.
This next design was inspired by a dream Frederico once had where aliens in tracksuits were chasing him. Very realistic, don't you think Bob?
Oh, we are so lucky to be able to see this next design. It is very exclusive. Frederico only lets "special" people see it. I think Megan would look FAN-TAS-TIC in this outfit...no?
This next design has Suzanne written all over it. Can't you just see her as a wacked-out little bo peep in her garden looking for her sheep? Frederico is nodding vehemently. In fact, Suzanne was his muse.
Next up is Frederico's pièce de résistance. I think Leah would rock this outfit on her date with Severus. What a couple!
For the finale, one of Frederico's new designs for fall. Now, why he picked these colors for fall we have no idea (and we don't want to know where he found all that orange hair), but again we don't question him. We know he will throw a big tantrum and we can't deal with that. Gig, what do you think? Great outfit for grocery shopping, eh?
Let's all cheer for Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth!
We are glad his fashion show is over. We are all drunk and satiated. Now we want him and his band of fashion-crazed groupies to leave quietly (The last time we asked him to go nicely he and his assistant, Roland, got into a hissy fight. We all know that was NOT pretty.)