Wednesday, September 9, 2009

First Annual Wild Onion Fashion Show!

Welcome all you fashion forward drunkards, vegetarians, stress cases, hair dressers, and sloths! Yes, you know who you are!

In our first annual fashion show, we are proud to present these ummm...interesting designs by Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth.

We have no idea where he came from or why he always looks like a druid with a rotting mushroom on his head but everyone is welcome at the Wild Onion, especially when they bring us something to do and pay for all our drinks!

The first design we see here is an exact replica of Frederico's favorite crayon. The color is "dyslexic diorama." We just say, "oooo" and nod our heads approvingly so that Frederico will keep buying us drinks, even though we know he is clinically insane.

This next design was inspired by a dream Frederico once had where aliens in tracksuits were chasing him. Very realistic, don't you think Bob?

Oh, we are so lucky to be able to see this next design. It is very exclusive. Frederico only lets "special" people see it. I think Megan would look FAN-TAS-TIC in this

This next design has Suzanne written all over it. Can't you just see her as a wacked-out little bo peep in her garden looking for her sheep? Frederico is nodding vehemently. In fact, Suzanne was his muse.

Next up is Frederico's pièce de résistance. I think Leah would rock this outfit on her date with Severus. What a couple!

For the finale, one of Frederico's new designs for fall. Now, why he picked these colors for fall we have no idea (and we don't want to know where he found all that orange hair), but again we don't question him. We know he will throw a big tantrum and we can't deal with that. Gig, what do you think? Great outfit for grocery shopping, eh?

Let's all cheer for Frederico Fastiva Frothmouth!

We are glad his fashion show is over. We are all drunk and satiated. Now we want him and his band of fashion-crazed groupies to leave quietly (The last time we asked him to go nicely he and his assistant, Roland, got into a hissy fight. We all know that was NOT pretty.)


Queen Goob said...

I'm in a battle not only with myself but with Gig as well. Orange is my favorite color and as I haven't shaved my legs since 1978 I feel that the fall design would much better meet my needs than Gig's. Sorry, you know I love you, but it's mine.....all mine.

just bob said...

OMG... Goob is alive! I thought she had forgotten all about this place.

Leah said...

haha to Goob's comment! QG it is so wonderful to see you!!!!

And RC, this is an inspired post. I LOVE my outfit, even the stuffed tire around my neck. Wonderful.

Megan said...

What up, Goobie!!!!

RC, you have hit the nail on my inner fashionista head. The one that belongs in the loony bin, that is.

This is fecking brilliant. Bravo, Frederico! Or perhaps I should say Brava?!? Anyone checked under his kilt to be sure?

Anonymous said...

It takes an insane fashion show to get QG to come to the Wild Onion...

I noticed how Bob avoided the whole alien tracksuit question.

Leah, Frederico wants to consult with you on a whole "sexy, evil wizard" look. Are you available? Roland will be over to coordinate with you.

Megan, I think Frederico would gasp at your mention of a kilt. As if!!

kylie said...

hey, goobie is here :)

random this is a KICK ASS POST


Gig said...

Awesome Post R.C.!!! I love my new fall clothes...back off Goobie!! However if the Price is Right, know what I mean?

A toast to Fredirico for the great fashion show here at the Onion, Woo Hoo!!

Anybody seen Suze? I bet she is at the Park in her new duds...

Well Goobie let me know when you want to battle, lol.

Lemon Drops for everybody Jorge!!

Karen ^..^ said...

LOVE this post.

Does it make me weird or gay to be intrigued by the first pic with the rotting mushroom hat? (weird because He/She is weird. Gay just in case it IS a girl.)

I'm fascinated by that girl/boy's bone structure. I think I'm in love... Or some weird facsimile of it.

Leah said...

RC--I'm free to consult on the sexy, evil wizard look.

Karen--yes! I feel you on this one.

Megan said...

Ok, it's not a kilt. It'

Shoot I can't think of what it is.

But here's another quote for you:

"We both felt that if their heads weren't full of mahooha, everybody'd be bisexual - which is why aggressive cultures make it their business to fill everybody's heads with mahooha."


Suzanne said...

*Suze stumbles out of woods after feeding ferals with batting hair and cobweb covered silk ribbon around her head and waist, covered in something that can only be described as "Queen Goob."* "Swear to God Giggie, I saw her.


Queen Goob said...

Okay.....I dug all of the change out of my purse as this is the only money I have left in the world so Gig? I got $7.83 for that outfit.

No wonder my purse weighed a ton - half of that was pennies.

Tricia said...

This was the worst fashion show I have ever seen. That's saying a lot ;)

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