Wednesday, October 1, 2008

This Week Sucks!

It seems that all of us here at the cafe are having a sucky week, so what should be do? Cry in our beer? Just give up?

NO WAY!

Inner Voices is going to do a table top dance for us...

Bob is going to put a lampshade on his head...

Leah is going to flush herself down the toilet...

Queen Goob is going to do a fashion show for us...

Cecile is going to breakdance...

Gig is going to put on some glasses...

Suzanne is going to paint the walls blue...

I am going to shave my head and attack an SUV with an umbrella...

Then we're all going to meet up here and have a drink!

Come on and join the fun!

50 comments:

just bob said...

That lampshade isn't really my style, but I'll make it work. I'm pouring doubles... who's drinking?

Leah said...

Okay, I've done my part, and I'm here for my drink. A little wet, but here.

Cecile said...

Hell Bob, make mine a triple. And keep em coming.

just bob said...

I don't think I'm allowed to pour triples by law... but if you keep it between you and me I'll set you up!

Cecile said...

I Manage the joint, you pour the shots. It's ok the bend the virtual law from time to time. Besides, I'm having a crap day so I need a little slack here.

Megan said...

Nice pics, RC! Hope everyone makes it to the cafe safely...

Gig said...

Triples work for me Bob!!
I love my new glasses, I might really be able to see something,lol!!

Great fun, R.C.!!

xoxo, Gig

Queen Goob said...

My. God. I'm. HOT!!! Check out those tube socks!!!!!



Has been a crap week; my best friend's dad passed away last week and the very next day a very good friend of mine lost her son in a car wreck. Can you say just crawl back into bed and cover your head with the blanket?

Leah said...

Oh, and by the way, can I be the one with the enormous brunette beehive, in the flowered dress? Pretty please?

Hi QG--I'm sorry to hear about your news. It's been a weird ride for awhile now, for a lot of us. Hugs to all--

Random Chick said...

Here's to a completely sucky week! *raises Cosmo for a toast, then drinks it all in one big gulp* Who's up for some limbo?

Cecile said...

Put your right foot in, take your left foot out. Oh I"m too drunk to sing it right. Let's just shake it all about and not worry about our left and our right.

Skeeter said...

Lemme have something smooth and rereshing please ... and a peaceful moment to enjoy it. You all have too much fun.

Best wishes,

Sketer

Practically Joe said...

I just came by to check this place out. What a bunch of weirdos hanging out here. Can I start a tab?

just bob said...

Joe... The rules around here are pretty loose. You don't need to start a tab, just enjoy the company of the clientele and the drinks will take care of themselves.

Leah said...

Yes, it's like magic!

Cecile said...

Welcome aboard Joe. We all love to party, have fun, drink, raise hell, and a few of us even raise hellions. Several of us kaint spell, and most of us can't dance, but we sure have fun trying. So sit back and enjoy the roudiness.

Cecile said...

By the way, this week has still sucked ass. BIG TIME

Suzanne said...

However, before we sit back and enjoy the roudiness I'd like to point out:

1. Sketer has had way too many before his arrival, so easy on the booze portion of his "smooth and refreshing" please. His name is Skeeter. "Skeeter, you okay darlin'? Spell it with me, S-K-E-E-T-E-R. We aren't at the Leah's Irish Fest any longer...we're here honey, at RC's party." Bob, can we get the poor man some food? "And yes, Skeeter, I know this may seem like a continuation of the festival with Santa sandwiched in between, but trust me, the Irish Fest is over and this is a new party. Oh, and Santa's post panned!

2. I have only two vices: a small amount of coffee each day and a wee bit more wine. I've given up both over the past few days. Well let me clarify. I'm back to one Latte size cup of coffee a day rather than two, and I'm down to no wine. I'm trying to treat my body like a temple. What???!!! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!! You will not corrupt me. "Bob, my dear man, I'd like a stawberry smoothy, straight, with a twist of lemon, and a mineral water on the rocks. Now will everyone get the hell out of my way so I can get to the dance floor." *Blottie is seen racing through the crowded bar on her PPT doing upwards of 3mph. Unfortunately (or fortunately) her PPTC flies open and Cece is heard exclaiming, "My God, I think she's naked!"*

How else am I going to get a dance partner at 49?

;)

Suzanne said...

Oh, and I love my typo. We aren't at "the" Leah's Irish Fest... What?

Joe said...

Hey ... I'm switching from beer to Southern Comfort ... I think I'm about to bust a move!
(I dance like Prince)
Morris, hand me that guitar and get out of my way.
Yeeeeeeeow! Good God! Ugh!
I think I just split my pants.

Leah said...

Joe--now you're in the spirit of things! Pants-splitting is practically de rigeur around here!

just bob said...

Looks like the place is filling up this Friday... I'll have to call in Severus to help bartend tonight.

Practically Joe said...

A needle and thread would help fix my pants real quick ... The pulled groin muscle from the split I just tried... that's gonna take a while to fix. A double please.

Suzanne said...

Well Joe, I could either paint your ass the blue I was given, cuz I still have extra paint on my roller, or Leah could sew your pants seam with her knitting needles, cuz I don't think we have a sewing kit here honey, "Do we Bob?" You choose! Just be cautioned, Leah usually carries Severus' whip. I'm probably the more gentle choice. And I'm not drinking, "butt" it's up to you, of course because, well, your ass will be colebolt blue.

Hey Bob, Severus is probably over on the Macy's sofa with you-know- lazy-ass-who. Get Gig over here, she'll haul both there asses in. Trust me. So will Robyn. They're the best damn waitresses a bar couldn't ever have. God I miss um.

*I'm dancin, I'm free,
I'm dancin, I'm free,
I'm dancin, I'm free,
Hey take a spin with me.*

This mineral water is powerrrrful, powerrrrrrrrful stuff.

Suzanne said...

Yes, I know, "could," "can," got my crap mixed up. Wasn't thinking clearly.

Practically Joe said...

Paint my butt blue.
It'll match what else is going on down there.

Hey ... Turn up the TV.
The Red Sox are up 4 to 1.
Good times never seem so good.
So good. So good. SO GOOD!

Leah said...

Wait, who is Severus on the couch with? Am I the lazy ass? If not, I've got my claws out for the competition, lol

Suzanne said...

Leah, GOOD LORD NO!!! Just old reliable Jorge over there on the sofa with Severus. Jorge has become so quiet he's often forgotten, but not by me, that lazy-ass SOB. He's cute though. Perhaps that's why Severus is over there. You may want to use those claws to pry him away from that hottie. I mean to pry Severus away from Hottie Jorge! I do need a noun now and then. Don't I? Ahhhhhhhhhh, screw it.

just bob said...

Jorge has become so quiet he's often forgotten, but not by me, that lazy-ass SOB. He's cute though.

Heaven knows I'm not here because I'm cute... cuz I certainly ain't.

Megan said...

Hey bob, I ain't cute either. I am beautiful just like you.

Gimme a bud and a shot of jack please?

just bob said...

One boilermaker for Megan... coming right up!

Practically Joe said...

Hey ... Where am I?
I think I passed out.
I got to go home ... my wife's gonna kill me.
I think I had a good time.
I hope I didn't act up.
See you all later.
Hey ... Where are my pants?

just bob said...

Joe... I'll drive you, but first we need to stop at the gas station for lottery tickets.

Suzanne said...

Okay, let me rephrase. Jorge came from somewhere up there. Gig brought him from, I don't know, Sweden, Switzerland, the Netherlands, hell, somewhere pretty. And Jorge is pretty. But he's lazy. Always has been and we all know it. That's why he was promoted to management to make room for our beloved Bob. Jorge isn't Bob and Bob isn't Jorge. Bob is the oil that makes the Wild Onion sing and we are forever greatful. He was the turning point. Jorge just waded though every day in a haze and now just sits his ass over on the Macy's sofa waiting for some gorgeous chick to walk in (good luck with that honey!), but Bob took a proactive roll and got this place in order. And trust me, I know we all know we're in order!!! Without Bob, this place would be a cafe. With Bob, this place is the Wild Onion!!! And for all of us who have owned a Cafe, we know the difference (whoops, that's right, we all owned it together!!). Bob, you deserve the credit for turning this place around and making it the fine establishment it is. Thank you dear friend. I know I speak for all of us. Hick-cup, brushes teeth. Right?

Suzanne said...

Joe, think Leah has your pants in her knitting basket. Wonder which needle she uses. That might hurt. Good luck.

Megan said...

Suz - You are too clever for me right now. I need the bartender to set me up again, and then we'll see...

just bob said...

Drinks are on me, starting right now. OJ is going away, hopefully forever. I hope he rots away in a prison cell deep in the desert of Nevada.

Megan said...

Really? Verdict reached? That's what I get for watching sports...

just bob said...

Guilty on all 12 counts.

Suzanne said...

Thank God OJ gets to go to never~never land. It's about time. One day, when I have time, I'll tell you a very interesting story about the first trial and the murder scene. I've never discussed it. Perhaps this is the place to let it all out. I suspect Nicole and Ron are smiling. Really, I do.

Baby? You still up? If not, don't worry, I now know the back of the bar and how to serve myself. *Walks to back of bar to look at all the pretty glasses."

XO

Gig said...

*walks in and glances around at the remnants of last nights "party"!*
Damn, I missed another one, I hate when that happens!! Looks like a good time was had by all.

A big welcome to Joe, hope you had a great time here at the Wild Onion, we all love to have a "wild time",lol.

Looking for a smoothie...ok get your minds out of the gutter...a strawberry one would be perfect...
oops, no bartender this morning, so self-serve it will be.

*with smoothie in hand, I am off to see the wizard...*

just bob said...

I'm here Gig, just restocking the shelves. Whipped cream on that smoothie or neat?

Suzanne said...

Bartender, you awake?!!! I only have a few minutes to put down a cold one because I'm cleaning the kitchen. I clean that damn thing every day, but it won't stay clean. Why is that Mr. Bartender?

Oh, and by "cold one" I mean mineral water on ice with a shot of strawberry smoothie. Yes, I'm still on a mineral water bender. That's probably why I'm the only one here and everyone else still has a sheet pulled over their head.

This should wake some folks up. I was at the market checkout stand this morning and for the first time in my life picked up YOUR PERSONAL GUIDE TO THE FUTURE ~ LEO~ October-November-December 2008 while waiting in line. If by magic, it opened to page 10, The Stars & Your Career, and this is what I read:

"Because you are intelligent and talented, you have amazing career potential. In business, Leos make fantastic managers because you have amazing flair and the driving ambition it takes to succeed."

How do I know it said that? Because I was so impressed with myself I slammed it down on the counter and told the cashier "I'll take it my dear man," so it's right here with me!!! This little booklet is a hoot. I LOVE IT!!. I've never laughed so loud or argued with a page 7 harder in my life! I remember telling Joanna Latimer (the author of this little gem), you don't know diddly about me, but she sure knows a lot of other stuff! I'm going to have to blog about this. I think every one should run to the market, spend $1.39 and have a blast reading about themselves.
On your mark.
Get set.
Ready.
GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Okay, back to kitchen duty and laundry.

XO
P.S. Had a blast last night. This place sure does rock.

Hi to "The Gang."

just bob said...

Wow, a slow Saturday night at the Cafe.

...turns on the TV to catch the football scores while scrubbing PPT tire tracks off the dance floor.

INNER VOICES said...

*pops out from inder table in back room, apparently he had fallen off and rolled underneath during his table dancing routine*

ahh feck, missed the party!


*rubs bump on head and rolls back under table*

Suzanne said...

Sorry about that Bob. I'll do better next time. I'll leave the PPT at the bike rack. We do have a bike rack don't we? Poof! We do now!!!

"IV, come out, come out whereever you are." The bump on your head will go away, but the damage caused by tight leggings is most likely permanent. I doubt you'll ever be able to father children.

Bartender my good man, I'll have a mango smoothie please. While you're making it I'll share a passage from the Holy book (Your Personal Guide to the Future ~ Leo)on this fine Sunday morning:

Page 17; Second paragraph.
"One of our best attributes is your ability to deal with anger, which can have a positive effect on your stress level. The fact that you display your anger instead of keeping it bottled up inside yourself is a very healthy choice. Also, you know that working out at the gym when you are feeling stressed can help you feel better."

Some points of contention:
1. I'm still stressed.
2. I would never go to a gym.
3. The second sentence is poorly written. "...bottled up inside yourself," should simply be "bottled up inside." Who the hell else would it be inside, but me? (Oh, and I say that with ABSOLUTE authority because you all know I'm the best writer to come down the shoot in decades!!! Truth is, I can't write for s***, but recognize bad writing in a second!)

Okay, enough foolishness. Gotta go tidy the damn kitchen and load the dishwasher, etc.

Thanks for the smoothie Bob. It was delicious. "You are Bob, aren't you? It's awfully dark in here."

Megan said...

Aw, Suz, I went and looked it up and "Virgo + Leo = Not A Match Made In Heaven."

Are we doomed??

Suzanne said...

Meg,

Well I just researched Virgo. Man, are we different, or what!!!??? No, we aren't hopeless. Look, we're still speaking! Ahhhhhhh hell, let it go. You love me, I love you. We'll be fine. ;) Talk to you tomorrow!

XO

Suzanne said...

Meg,

Well I just researched Virgo. Man, are we different, or what!!!??? No, we aren't hopeless. Look, we're still speaking! Ahhhhhhh hell, let it go. You love me, I love you. We'll be fine. ;) Talk to you tomorrow!

XO

Suzanne said...

I posted twice. Good for me!!!