some new folks have moved in next door. what are some good practical jokes we can play on them?!?!?
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37 comments:
Turf war, all right! I'll be thinking...
Burn it! Burn it to the ground, and leave no traces that it was us.
Well, that takes care of that! :)
Hiya Cece!
Competition? What Competition. There AINT no other bar in town that could compete with us. HA
Sits on PPT outside of burned down bar and wonders if any kitties where hurt.
Bartender? Bartender?!?
Drinks for everyone. That "mysterious" fire next door was sure fun to watch. Maybe they'll put up a Dunkin Donuts next door if we're lucky.
Suzy gathers kitties and brings them to the Wild Onion. No, don't fuck with Suzy.
Megan sets out saucers of beer for kitties ("What? It makes their coats shine!").
Megan, that's it. *Herds Megan into cloak room (we have a cloak room, right? Poof, we do now!) and locks door.* Let her out if she has to pee.
Or needs tea and a scone.
Or has a previously scheduled flight for the holiday.
Otherwise, don't open the freakin' door.
I did that. I'll explain when I have more time.
XO
TP that shit. For old time's sake!
What you need to do is go to their house in the dark and move shit around. Evrynight put things in different areas.
Please note that Suzannes pussy was not harmed after megan gave her beer
Anon 6.9
if you need to know 6.9 is a good time interupted by a period
That Guy,
Honey, here, look at the disco ball. Everything will be okay.
Rob, you wise ass, I know you aren't #69, but if you are, God, you had so much fun last night.
Rob's dear wife, no honey, this isn't a joke. Your hubby is a naviagator!!!
Well, I'm really, really late for the park and just learned IV is not #69. Damn. I knew that was too simple. I also knew IV would NEVER, in a million years be attracted to me. Hey, wild guess! Do we look like two peas in a pod? No. So who's #69? Rob, I know it's not you. So who? Well, I have all day and I'm waiting.
*Taps on door* Suzanne? I was only joking! Let me out now? I do gotta pee.
* picks the lock on the door... *
C'mon out Megan, Blottie is at the park with kitties.
*Sprints to lavatory*
Oh I'm the latest I've ever been for the park for numerous reasons. Come on out. Damn you woman. Booze and animals don't mix. Just remember that. That's my golden rule. I love you. Here honey, big hug. Wanta drive? I'm so fucking late!!!
Pulls in front of "lavatory" before driving to Natomas. Rolls eyes in head. Women.
MEGAN!!! THEY USED ALL THE TP FOR DIRTY DICKS!
So what did I miss? Who ever strated the ire left lots of trace - CSI we need to talk....
`
I just wrote a brilliant comment and before I could post Sweet Pea got up, turned around and left me with a fucking comma. Yup, that's it. Sit your ass down on someone elses computer damit. Buries face in key pad. Luck. It seems to be following me around like a storm cloud.
I forget what I wrote. Oh well.
XO
Sits down and orders a dirty drink.
Bob is sleeping. *Rolls eyes in head and serves self.*
What a day.
What a week.
What a month.
What a year.
Bartender talks to Suz. "You okay Sweetie?" "Yeah, I guess, just a bit sore and battered." Suze asks Suze, "Can I get you anything else honey?" "Yup, Hunter. I'd like him to just shoot me." *Fills glass to the very, very top, then pours contents over head because read alcohol is a numbing agent.*
Suzanne...you know I can't do that. I am an optomist. Things will get better and things happen for a reason. Yes it has been a hard year, month , week, day.
No need to sit here by yourself feeling down. I'll join you in a drink even buy the next round...though I really don't drink. After two I shound't drive.
What shall we talk. THe idiots who work for comcast. always get the comcast guys themselves. Never get the sub contractors in. When we first bought the house we had two comes come in to do the work and one was sick. We only found this out after he needed to use the bathroom and proceeded to blast our toilet with diarhea. True story. It was awful.
Hunter. I love you. I love optomists. I think I am one, but I'm not sure righ now.
How did I lose 10 cats? Why do I know what dirt tastes like? Why is there a cut on my head I know is going to leave a terrible scar? Why does my lip hurt? My new days about to begin, yet it feels like yesterday.
Inhale, exhale. I know, just relax into it. Why do all of you seem to get by, but I struggle?
A new day begins.
I just cried like there was no tomorrow. I think buring my head in my arm is a good thing. It's good to grieve. I don't know where to put 10 cats. I don't know where to put this pain. I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't.
You know Suze, life can always be worse. You could live next door to a crazy neighbor that brings her problems over to compound your own problems, and would much rather become homeless than get a job. Yep, that's what I live next door too!. I'm sorry, I talked to Rob again last night. I just had to get some good advice, and he was the only person I could think of. He helped me alot, Suze. He's quite a gem. You need to do what it takes to hang on to him. Thanks your lucky stars lady. Sure, loss is hard to deal with, but come have a drink with me and we will try to heal and deal with our pain together. Perhaps we will find strength in numbers.
Cece,
I love you.
Yes, he is a gem and always the voice of reason. I'm not. I operate on pure emotion. Rob operates on pure reason. That's why you don't call me!!! Apparently, that's also why he's the lawyer and I'm the artist!!! It's funny because I can't believe how many lawyers are married to artists. What's up with that.
And yes honey, when you feel confused or a bit low, he's always the greatest guy to talk to. Well, first of all because he has that really sexy voice! And secondly because he has logical answers. I know baby. And he loves you. I know that. He thinks about you, worries about you, asks about you if he hasn't heard from you. You know, all the important stuff. He's a good and decent guy. Oh and I forgot the most important thing...he fell in love with me. Go figure!!! You know what a challege I am. Can you imagine a guy trying to deal with me. Hell, I can't even imagine trying to deal with me!
Let's hold on together sweetie. What are we drinking. Don't forget, I'm a complete light weight. Is that one word or two? Hyphenated? Not? I gotta get some food before drinking however. I don't eat much any more and really need too. I'm losing weight at a rate unheard of in America. What are we serving at the Wild Onion? Do we have a pizza oven? If not, let's get one. Poof. Oh and maybe Wolfgang Puck. He used to be my neighbor. I love his Pesto pizza. Maybe Bob can come up with something similar if we can't wrangle Wolfgang.
Love you darling and so glad Rob could help and that we're friends. You're a sweet soul and I adore you.
XO
P.S. You're going to be okay. I'm so sorry about your sister.
God, almost feel like Pink Floyd...anybody out there?
Ugh. I hurt. As the hours tick by the more I hurt. I assume tomorrow will hurt more, then I'll start getting better. Who would have suspected a little kitty could do so much damage. Every time I look in the mirror my reaction is the same, "On my God." Yes, that's how bad I look. I made it through nearly 50 years of life with no major scar on my face. Well, guess what, my streak of good luck is finally over!!! Trust me, that's gonna be a good one. Dr. M, I think stitches would have made it look worse. Where they necessary? Probably! Yes I'm taking care of everything. No infection I can detect because it doesn't stand a chance with the amount of peroxide and rubbing alcohol I'm using! I'm so freakin' sore and I have a really bad back ache. Even my hair hurts. Swear to God. But I'll tell you something funny, every time I relive the accident I start laughing. It wasn't graceful or elegant, it was horribly painful and rediculously funny. When I was done, my face was literally buried in the damn soil. I would have given a million bucks for my sisters to see it. They would have been so proud of me pulling such a brilliant Shemp. Laur honey, can you give me a massage (she's a massage therapist), please, I'm so sore. And honey, can you do something about this new and improved canker sore? It hurts.
Looks around empty cafe. Goes behind bar. Buries head in ice bucket.
Yes, I know how to spell ridiculous. For some reason my fingers didn't.
Suze,
Please disinfect the ice bucket when you are finished with it! And get some damn Neosporin for that cut. Geesh, You would think I'm your mother or something.
Gets Clorox. Catches self in mirror. Oh Jeasus Christ.
You know how the first day you think: NOT TOO BAD!
The second day you think: WOW! THAT'S NASTY!
The third day you say: IT HURTS SO MUCH, JUST SHOOT ME!
Puts Clorox down, gets ice, fills bucket, buries head.
XO
Cece, I'll disinfect it tomorrow.
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