Saturday, November 15, 2008

sometimes life just sucks balls. really... i mean, sweaty, hairy, ugly, fat, scrotilicious balls. 

we here at the onion know all too well about this end of the life's spectrum. there isn't a reader/contributor in this joint that doest have a story or twelve to tell about this unfortunate fact of life. i know it, you know it, your dog knows it and sometimes your gold fish knows it... so i have composed a small list of places id rather be when these events take place... i'll share mine if you share yours and perhaps it will give us an opportunity to have a new place to dream about, somebody else's dream... 

ready?

i'd rather be hanging out with my mom at natasha lake in front of our families cabin, sitting on the dock fishing... sharing a cigarette, listening to the sound of the ice tinkling in moms rum and coke and watching the sun set on the glacier across the lake.

id rather be in third gear going uphill sideways around a corner on my dirt bike in the middle of a pack of ten dudes on the south coast dirt roads of bigsur...

id rather be sitting in a hot tub over looking the ocean at the end of a hard days work.

id rather be drinking at the bar alone with no one else around but me, only the attentive but not invasive bartender and the noise from a television in the background.

i was working at a positive angle here, you dont have too, but thats what i was doing.... give it a shot you might find that doing exactly as you are doing is where you want to be... cause realistically id rather be at home on a day off relaxing, having a cold beer, eating some yummy leftovers and catching up with the planet... it just so happens that i am enjoying that pleasure this very instant.


23 comments:

Leah said...

Wow, do I love this post. I keep re-reading it. I don't have anything yet, but I'll be back.

Practically Joe said...

I wish I was back in Venice, sitting in Saint Mark's Square listening to the minstrels play their music while I sip my limoncello.

just bob said...

There are plenty of places I wish I could turn back the clock to and find my way back to. I'll start with this one...

Sitting on the patio at The Orchards Golf Club having just played golf, sipping a Tanqueray and tonic, watching the last few golfers make their way up the 18th fairway as the sun was setting behind them. The cool winds of fall bringing a chill to the air as the fading light shimmered among the radiant hues of the trees at the peak of their fall colors.

Megan said...

Well, I got lucky tonight because it was the birthday of an old friend of mine. So I just spent the last five hours saying "do you remember" with a bunch of really cool cats.

That said, I wouldn't mind going back to some of those days and drinking a bit less, and remembering a bit more...

hnter1018 said...

Sometimes I wish I was back in California hanging with to of the best friends a guy could have.

I'd like to be in Maine with my Grandfather who I didn't have enough time in life with.

I'd like to live anywhere but Massachusetts.

but there is no place I'd rather be than with my two kids and wife. I think about them all day at work and while I am out of the house. As much stress as they can cause they are growing up way to fast and this saddens me.

Leah said...

...back in Jerusalem, in the purple dusk of the Old City on a Shabbat eve, sneaking a smoke on a hidden stone terrace with my dear friend Cindy and watching the shadows grow...

...seated at my grandparents' long formal dining table, eating quietly while they spoke Yiddish over my head...

...splashing in the cool lake with Sarge and Hedgie and my sissy and mom and Pippin on the hottest day of summer...

kylie said...

great post z!

where would i like to be?
at my favourite beachside cafe enjoying something yummy and laughing with a great friend, no friend in particular, just someone i like
thats not possible today but i'm doing it by proxy with my blogging buddies, which is just as good in many ways !

INNER VOICES said...

i would rather be......






hanging with cece dealing with all her shit, not knowing what the fuck is going on, but giving her a second of some one elses reality..... i'd prolly make a fart joke...





but




we are who we are, because of where we have been, what we have done and the choices we have made...




i chose to be here. these are the things i am proud to be doing, i do them every day with you all and i wouldnt be doing them with out you.....

INNER VOICES said...

ooooo... i would rather be doing some of your things as well......

Queen Goob said...

...sitting on the stairs of a beach house looking over the water while sipping a fresh hot cup of coffee and watching the sun set. It would be chilly so I'd have my slippers on my feet and the hand-made wrap-around cape my mom and I made together...

...in the Apalachicola National Forest with nothing but my camera taking hours and hours of time for that one perfect shot...

…sitting at home on a chilly afternoon on the new leather couch that I really, really want but really, really can’t afford with the dog at my feet and a good book in my lap…

...hangin with IV and Cece just because...

MJ said...

I'm happy to be at home with a day off, considering the next three days are going to be ultra-busy.

If only I didn't have cramps though.

*flings flaming uterus at Voices*

Queen Goob said...

flys through vertically and catches flaming uterus to keep it from hitting IV in the face and scaring him for life

MJ - he's strong, but not THAT strong.

Leah said...

Best ever post. Lovely responses. I'm going to join IV and Cece and QG too. Although I guess we're all here anyway hanging. Thanks, IV!!!!!

And QG--I think I might take one or two of your "rather-be"s as well!

And MJ--two words: prescription. tranquilizers. I've got extra!

Queen Goob said...

Leah - I'm all about family dinners. Yours sounds perfect - ours are NEVER quiet and NEVER in Yiddish.

I only know one word and it's one of those Yiddish words reserved for road rage only.

Suzanne said...

Dear Everyone,

I know I'm so last, but I had a very busy weeked. I just spoke to Cece and she said I could tell you. She's okay, just having a very rough time. Her sister is expected to pass tonight. She's dealing with so much and is ill again herself. She didn't look so terrific at work and her office mates asked her to please leave work early and she did. She was able to sleep and hour before the boys arrived home. Her sister was expected to pass last night, so she didn't sleep at all. As you might imagine she sounds absolutely exhausted and depressed, but told me to tell all of you she'll be okay and that she loves you. You know that's the honest truth.

She said she fell asleep on the sofa and in an effort to get her to laugh I said "You'll never believe this, but after the park and running errands I stopped at the the Good Will to look for a nice dresser because I'm thinking outside the box, but bought a sofa instead. Cece replied, "Really?" I told her yup I did, and it wasn't a full length sofa but a love seat. She asked if it was safe to buy a sofa from Good Will after I told her I paid a whopping $50!!! I said "YUP, it looks like new and I even smelled it. It smells really clean, as if it had never been used!!! She didn't laugh, but I could tell she wanted to. She asked how long a love seat is. I told here about 5-6' and also said she was welcome to come sleep on it if life got too stressful at home. She informed me she's 5'9." I informed her she wouldn't fit. She almost laughed. She asked where I was going to use it. I informed her I didn't know, but that it had a beautiful soulette and I planned to slipcover it in white cotton duck, and that I had bought it for the kitties. She said, "Are you joking?" I said, "NOPE!" So basically the kitties have a new sofa to kill and Cece doesn't have a place to sleep if and when she arrives. Time to shop at the Good Will again!

I honestly believe Cece will be fine. Gig will probably agree because they were able to talk Saturday. She doesn't have the will to write, but I know she'd appreciate cards, letters, emails, blogger stuff, sky writing, smoke signals...you know, all the stuff that matter in life. But most of all, love and support and I know this crew never, ever let's anyone down.

Love you all,
XO

Suzanne said...

Yes, this is your nigtmare, it's me again. I have to actually respond to the comment despite the fact the wash is waiting the dishwasher isn't loaded and the kitchen looks like I kicked the crap out of it.

Zack, this is an amazing post. You're a pretty remarkable fella once I get though all the naked Santas, booze and smokey backrooms (well honestly, guess those aren't so bad either!). I could just hug you to bits.

Okay, this is where I'd rather be:

- In Nova Scotia, Maine or at Gilbert Lake in upstate NY with my Grandmother and sister on summer holiday.

- Anywhere with my grandmother: In the garden just pulling weeds, nurturing plants, talking about life, petting the horses and dog, feeding the chickens, walking through the pasture, shoveling manure, down my the creek with worms I hated to kill and fish I hate to catch, going up to the notch to get fresh spring water, walking though the forest to find lady slippers and jack in the pulpits (just to look), arguing about relgion, chopping cords and cords of wood with a axe, looking at panseys and poppies, collecting lettuce, watching an eclipe in the wee hours of morn when I was like nine and in the freezing cold of winter, but she was just too excited to let it pass me and my sisters by! Watching cows in a neighbor's pature. Watching a little colt be born when I was probably less than 8 and understanding the beauty of a beautiful new life. Burying two little kitten I couldn't keep alive, no matter how desperately I tried after their mom died when I was all of about 12. They're buried under my grandmother's bleeding heart on the north side of her house. I could go on forever. I have so many beautiful memories.

- Being with my darling best friends from high school, Diana. Walking through Woodstock, sitting at the cafe, then trying to get into the Joyus Lake to see James Taylor. Being refused because we weren't 18 (yes, we were THAT CLOSE!!!). Spending a weekend with her and friends on Overlook Mountain in Woodstock and getting terribly lost when a few of us went off for something or other. Spend the night freezing our asses off covered in pine branches and wondering if we'd survive the wild animals and cold. Spent the next day climbing the next moutain then walking all the was back down the long trail to camp again. Then it was time to pack and leave. I went without permission and was grounded for months.

- Being with all of you at a beautiful lakeside cottage, watching loons, drinking good tea and coffee, eating wonderful food, sleeping comfortably, laughing my ass off.

- Being with my family.

But like so many of you, I guess I'd be no other place then in the moment and beside the one who needed me (animal, family or friend).

Zack, this really is an amazing post. Thank you. And to all our dear friends, your comments are so beautiful and heartfelt. When I talk to Cece next time, or if any of you do first, please ask her to read this. It'll matter.

Love anyone who made it this far!!! And love you all.

XO ;)

Megan said...

I made it. It's good to "know" you, Blottie.

Walker said...

Its nice to do what you want
Be where you want to be

Suzanne said...

Megan,

Thanks honey. Good to "know" you too. Now you know what to expect when you come to my house. Oh, you should also be aware you'll be mauled by kitties! And T-Bone!

I actually stopped by to say Cece's sister passed tonight around 6 pm. I was trying to call Rob's cell and accidently got Cece because she's 501 and he's 510 and I didn't have my glasses on, so just winged it because it was all a big blur. Well, I flew over Arkansas. She was watching football and doing okay. I think everyone is relieved her sister is no longer suffering. Me too.

Life is unpredictable. That's what I've been trying to absorb since talking to Cece. It ends for someone, but goes on for someone else. I think that's what I find so offensive about life and death. Cece's sister is gone, yet I still have about 3 load of laundry to do and this place to organize and it's already almost 10 pm. I always ask when someone dies, "What did their life matter?" Then I start collecting answers. I've always concluded every life matters.

I love you all very much and if my life ends tomorrow I will know I'm loved. At least by blogger friends!!!

I told Cece about this post. I hope she doesn't miss it.

Love you all so much,
Blottie XO

Suzanne said...

Please excuse all the typos in the last three post. Yes, I see them, but I'm too tired to address them. Off to the laundry room my dear friends.

;)

Suzanne said...

Walker sneaked in while I was writing. How funny. Walker, how do you lie on the beach with your outfit? I just thought about "be where you want to be," and thought of you on the beach. Hummmmmmmm. You get hot honey?

Walker said...

Lying on the beach is easy.
Getting up is another story

That Guy said...

Pulling a tube, watching my Packers pound the Cowboys over an ice cold anchor steam.

Or pulling a tube, and hucking a frisbee around with my good friends on a hot afternoon.

Or, running into IV at the Liver End with the sole purpose of ending our livers.

You know, that kinda thing,yo.