Sunday, May 4, 2008

Something to get us started again...

Remembering Hollywood Squares

These great questions and answers are from the days when "HollywoodSquares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.


Anonymous said...


What a great post - got me laughing like hell! Especially the one about Great Grandpa putting horseradish on his head!
Brilliant - thankyou!


Suzanne said...

Peter ~ glad you had a good laugh. Me too. I just came back to laugh again and start my day off on the right note and found you!


Anonymous said...

LOL! I used to watch that show all the time with my Mom. I didn't get most of those jokes, but I do now!!!!

Thanks for posting this!

Leah said...

These are fabulous. I love snappy one-liners like that; these, although kinda quaint, are still surprisingly funny! The first one's my favorite.

Cecile said...

This was a great post, Suze.
Nope, I'm not back online yet. My computer is still dead, just stealing a few moments of I net time from the government! Love and miss all of ya,


Gig said...

What memories this brings back...really enjoyed this post!!

Glad to see Cece is *sneaking* in for a few monemts...

Ready to chill out for a while and try to make the rounds...


'54Bomber said...

Who wrote this post? Of course, Suzanne! That'd be right :)
A terrific post. One that I can use at Helen's twenty-first!
Thanks, Suzanne I loved it.