Wild Onion Power Smoothies (WOPS)

Seems like the Wild Onion crew has been run down lately and in need of a pick-me-up. Poor Blottie was so tired she fell asleep in the middle of typing a response and one of her cats needed to finish it for her. As the recently appointed expert mixologist of the Wild Onion Cafe, I now present to you a new line of Wild Onion Power Smoothies (also known as WOPS). They come in many assorted flavors. Captain Morgan and Bacardi shooters are available on the side or as a floater for an additional charge. Energize and enjoy!!!







UPDATE*UPDATE*UPDATE*UPDATE*UPDATE*UPDATE*


THURSDAY JULY 31 WAS NOT ONLY HARRY POTTERS BIRTHDAY, BUT NATHAN AND FORREST'S BIRTHDAY TOO. They turned 7. So everyone wish them a happy birthday, or your all fired. LOL

Be There or Beware

Don't do anything on August 8,
Cuz we're gonna celebrate.
You may have heard,
NO, it's not a dirty word...
Suzanne's Birthday is coming up,
So sit at your computer, bring a cup,
Fill it with wine, liquor, or beer,
Cuz we will all be right here.
We'll be laughing, crying, and singing,
For her birthday we'll be ringing.
Starting at midnight,
This blog will be quite a site.
Mark your calendar and beware,
Cuz we'll get you if you're not there.

Garden of Momness

Now I finally have some garden to share. This is the Garden of Momness...

This is Momness herself. No offense ladies, but she's the bestest mom in the entire world.

This is my brother. We'll call him Bro-ness

This is Sammyness. He's one cool dog, albeit a pest when just bob wanted to just nap.

This is Sallyness. She's a bit high strung, but lovable nonetheless.

This is Sallyness standing (well lying) guard over the Garden of Momness

I don't know what they are called, but I'm sure someone can help me out

These roses are yellow on the inside and a bright pink on the outside. Very pretty.

These are pink roses. This is the second season Momness has been growing roses, so she's getting better.

Again, I don't know what these are called, but I'm sure someone can help.

The tomato plants look very good, but no fruit as of yet. They've always done well I've been told. Hopefully they will hurry up and sprout in August. The rutabaga plant is doing ok. It's the first year for the root, so supposedly won't result in any edible vegetables.

That's it... the Garden of Momness.

Birthday Blog roll.

Dear Valued Customers and Staff,

Because we here at The Wild Onion Cafe value your opinion, I am taking Leah's suggestion and creating a birthday blog roll. Any one who wishes to have their birthday celebrated here at The Onion, needs to let me know so that I can add it to the list on the side bar. So send me the dates in a comment, and I will add them. Also, please double check your name and date if it already appears to the right, because it wasn't easy going back to the past posts and finding the correct dates. Please double check me for accuracy and make the correction in a comment and I will fix it ASAP. Thank you for your support.

Also, Suzanne was concerned that we would let the steam out of her big, long, birthday celebration, and wanted me to remind all of you about Random Chick's request. So in her own words, this is what Random Chick wants all of us to do. "So...I ask all you brilliant Wild Onion Staffers: what should we do in the remaining days and, of course, on the big day?
We have to do something BIG, BIG, BIG!!! A virtual party of course but what else? A video extravaganza on YouTube? A huge email campaign? What? What? What?
Please submit your responses to my email: me.random.chick@gmail.com. I will compile them and get back to everyone. Remember, we want to make this a semi-surprise so we don't want Suzanne to know exactly what we're doing." So send me your birthday dates, and send Random Chick your ideas. And as always, thank you for your support.

Sincerely,
Management.

21 Days and Counting...

There are only 21 days until Suzanne's REAL birthday. You all know we've been par-taying for two months now because I biffed it thinking her birthday was in June. So...I ask all you brilliant Wild Onion Staffers: what should we do in the remaining days and, of course, on the big day?

We have to do something BIG, BIG, BIG!!! A virtual party of course but what else? A video extravaganza on YouTube? A huge email campaign? What? What? What?

Please submit your responses to my email: me.random.chick@gmail.com. I will compile them and get back to everyone. Remember, we want to make this a semi-surprise so we don't want Suzanne to know exactly what we're doing.

It'll be a hoot!

Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday Dear Suzanne!
Happy Birthday to you!

P.S. I Googled "birthday suit" and clicked the "Images" button and here's what came up:

Suzanne, I promise we won't invite this guy to your virtual party.

Sparkly Flowers, Unicorns, Rainbows, and Froo Froo Drinks

This one is dedicated to our newest staff member, Just Bob. Whaddaya think?

Redecorating

OK, now that I'm on the staff there's going to need to be some small changes around here. Granted this place is filled with women, but a few masculine knick-knacks couldn't hurt. It's definitely going to help a new bartender feel comfortable in his new surroundings. I know I'm amongst friends and all that mushy stuff, but I can't work in a place 24/7 with all of these lace curtains and potpourri in the wash rooms and not have a few necessities. So, I've taken upon myself to bring in some personal items to jazz the place up a little. I didn't run this past the boss, I hope she's fine with it. Here goes:

Dan Marino Autographed Helmet

Signed in-person at Dolphins Training Camp
many years ago

Lava Lamp
Nothing screams "FUN" more
than a lava lamp

Dogs Playing Poker Painting
It was either this or the velvet Elvis.
I know the ladies like animals so I went with this one.

BBQ Grill
Guys cook with fire.
I'm a guy (not much of one but a guy)
therefore I cook with fire.

Whoopie Cushion
A prerequisite for happy hour hijinks.

Ok, my decision is final.

Even though he has not yet accepted the job offer, this guy is our new eye candy.

You guys may or may not recognize him, but it is Bob.

So what will Bob bring to The Wild Onion you ask?

Although we will need to change his attitude towards fat chicks, I think he is the one that is "Just Bob" enough for us.

He is smart, funny, and very sensitive. He seems to be the guy all the ladies will love because he will sit and listen to all of your problems while he keeps making you another drink. (Although secretly, he is hoping to get you wasted enough in hopes of getting lucky. But you'll never know.)

For the guys, he knows how to be a mans man. He'll sit on the couch and drink Lite Beer with the rest of ya. He knows how to get rowdy and tell all sorts of jokes. He's a great smoochzer (I don't spell that word very often, stop laughing at me. )

Anyway, I think he is the perfect eye candy. And weather he likes it or not, he's hired. So come on ladies and Gents send in those comments now to boost Bob's esteem. Because he deserves it.

What do you all think about this guy?

So, if you guys are looking for eye candy, well, Suzanne has been holding out on us.
She has the eye candy at home. I propose we make Rob our new bartender.
He's hot, sensitive, funny, is a good cook, a lawyer (so he could keep us out of trouble). And did I mention totally lovable? Oh and he has a really sexy voice. Yep, Rob has my vote.

Sugar Butt

Denizens of the Wild Onion Cafe, I believe it's time to bring some fresh blood to the staff here. I put the word out for a new bartender, and the response has been extraordinary, the initial competition fierce. However, I took the liberty of winnowing down the selection from hundreds to these choice few, for your perusal and approval. Let's vote in our new Sugar Butt. We need someone who is attractive, responsible, and can go with the flow, handle the pressure of our busy cafe while still maintaining a cheery demeanor. Most of all, they should possess that certain indefinable something--that essence of Sugar Butt--

Without further ado, I give you the candidates:


Severus--all he has to offer is absinthe, but he's promised me he'll administer spankings in the back room in exchange for a nice tip:




Stanley--sure he's sporting the birth control glasses, but he'll be your confidante, as he's been mine, and he'll always call you "pussycat."



Allan and Dirk--they come as a pair, or not at all, but they'll split the salary. Two words for you good people: Eye. Candy. And as a bonus, they smell of Hai Karate:



Frank--although he might be like a bull in a china shop amongst the good liquor, his armpits reek, and he is admittedly a bit unintelligible, I just know he'll keep people in line, and I'm sure you recognize just how important that is in a Wild Onion employee:



And finally,

Sugarbutt--her actual given name is Sugarbutt. She's a naturist, and very friendly:




Well, my friends, who is it going to be?

The Fruitcake Lady

Suzanne, Thanks a million. I almost killed myself watching these damn clips.
I almost choked myself on my spaghetti bake as I watched this during dinner.
Hey, it was better than watching Ben 10 Alien force.

Anyway, if anyone is interested in watching more, just google Ask the Fruitcake Lady and you will be laughing your head off in no time. Just don't take a drink of something before you push play. Unless you want it spewed all over your computer screen.