Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Sparkly Flowers, Unicorns, Rainbows, and Froo Froo Drinks

This one is dedicated to our newest staff member, Just Bob. Whaddaya think?




41 comments:

just bob said...

I'm ok with the fu-fu drinks... it's kinda what I am supposed to be doing around here (in addition to buying vegetables, making morning oatmeal, parking the pink tricycle, and being in charge of the disco ball).

The other stuff... um, not so much.

Random Chick said...

I just thought I try to counter-balance all your "dude" stuff from your last post. Hee hee!

Suzanne said...

My first reaction is, "I think I need a drink!!! I'm laughing so hard I don't think I'll recover without an alcoholic beverage. Bob, don't worry, I know how hard you work, I'll get it myself. *Finds Two Buck Chuck Chardonney, tears cork out with teeth and downs whole bottle for courage.*

Honey, Sweetie, Cutie-Pie, Baby Doll (yes, RC stop lookin' all over the place damnit, I'm referring to you), this ain't the dollar store or Disney Land. We like to think of ourselves as an upscale establishment, sorta along the lines of the last photo with the orchid, beautiful interior and fancy drinks. If you like, we'll create a little niche for your collection behind the Macy's sofa, oh and we'll light it poorly!!! Well of course I'm laughing. You're killin' me with this stuff! And I just know when Cece get's back she's going to love it and approve. Okay, so that means we have to work really, really fast. Here's the plan: let's built that niche, put your stuff in, then hermetically seal it. That way, nothing can escape and Cece will never know. We're safe. Right?

XO

P.S. While you were writing all that, I was on your blog writing all that! Too funny.

just bob said...

Neener neener... Suzanne's on my side!!!

Suzanne said...

Bob, knock it off. I'm not chosing sides, I'm simply protecting the establishment. ;)

just bob said...

RC, don't listen to Suzanne. She's taking my side because she wants better service at the bar.

Leah said...

Well well well. Somehow we've made it all the way from Severus to this, all in the space of one week!

I think the sparkly rainbow goes very well with the lava lamp, actually.

Suzanne said...

Bob, I usually serve myself. Have you noticed?!?! But honey, thanks for the oatmeal, getting veggies, covering my tire tracks and taking good care of this place and everyone in it. You're the best. And thanks too for loving my pink trench coat. It's a keeper.

I agree with Leah, the sparkly rainbow and lava lamp go very well together. They'll look lovely in the hermetically sealed niche.

XO

Robyn said...

Come on Bob...I really like all the sparkly and shining things in here! *batting at the rainbows floating overhead like a bad acid trip*
Ok..it's a bit froo froo up in here...but come on Bob can't we keep some the sparkly stuff on the bar top...pretty please! And just fair warning...I think you might be outnumbered my friend!
*tossing head back to catch a skittle falling from the rainbows on the ceiling*

just bob said...

Robyn, sometimes the customer is not always right. I will not be held responsible for any sparkly things besides the disco ball.

...ducks one of Suzanne's errant dart tosses

Leah, thanks for the vote of confidence. Sorry I put your boytoy Severus out of a job, but I need the money I make here to finance my canadian midget porn addiction.

... throws Suzanne's Two Buck Chuck empties into the recycling bin

Robyn said...

Bob are you hating on the sparkly stuff or me?...*pouting...feeling no love up in here*
*picks up suze's wayward dart from the back of the bar...just missing IV's drink of choice*

Suze...come on girly park that pink thing you call a bike and let's play some darts! And I think you owe me a cold one too, girly! LOL!

Leah! Where is the love girly...I've been missing you up in this joint!

IV come out...come out where ever you are *eyeing the panels...wondering*

RC...get in here and start scattering all that is rainbow and sparkly up in here...*handing bags of skittles around to the customers...to spread the love*

Suzanne said...

Okay, Robyn's here. We're screwed. I'll approve some skittles falling from rainbows (what a neat idea) and some sparkly stuff, but just some. The bar area can not, and I'll repeat, CAN NOT become a knic-knack shelf . Remember, this is a professional establishment and Bob has to work this area. (Will someone get that damn Dolphin's helmet out of my way before I kick it back to Florida? Jeeeezzzzzzz, a gal can't even manuver around her without running in to some man's damn knic-knacks.)

Robyn, let's play more darts. I'm wearing jeans, flip flops and a tee shirt tonight, so I should do pretty well. Whoops, there goes Errant! Man that little guy has a mind of his own. Nearly clocked the crap out of poor Bob again. Hey, I never said I was a perfect shot, I just said I was "good". "Bob, you might want to move that thing from behind the bar and honey, can you get the pretty girl what she wants? Probably a beer. I don't know, import, domestic, Robyn, what the hell you drinkin' honey, we don't have all night." She wants a Lowenbrau. Who knew? Slide it on down baby.

Holy crap Batman, Severus is here. Cece doesn't pay me enough to put up with his sort of abuse. You think he wants a job? Okay, I'm going to get on my pink tricyle and go talk to him. Wish me luck. If I'm not back in 15 minutes send in reinforcements.

;)

Queen Goob said...

Suz, keep the helmet, we don’t want it back. And if Severus wants a job, slap him into a grass skirt and coconut bikini top and we may let him serve drinks. He’d look hot serving Foo Foo drinks with a backdrop of sparkly rainbows, lava lamps, and unicorns. HOT I say!

Leah said...

OH, SWOON...Severus in a grass skirt...sigh...can't we hire him?

just bob said...

Three days here and already being tossed aside... It usually takes at least a week before women are repulsed by me.

...slinks to the back room and restocks the shelves

Leah said...

Oh, Bob dear, I don't want to replace you--I just have my fetish to attend to--and I guess I just got a little loopy there for a sec--the thought of Severus surrounded by rainbows and all...

let's make up over a giant pink umbrella drink! Oh wait, it's smack dab in the middle of a work day. Well, since I work at home...

Random Chick said...

I knew the sparkly rainbows and unicorns would start interesting conversations...but this is hilarious!!!

Bob, I was just pulling your leg. We LOVE you and all your manly-man decorations. Can you bring the Canadian midgets too? That would definitely go with the sparkly rainbow action...

Robyn, here you go!
*throws handfuls of skittles across the bar*

Suzanne, let's play more darts! Love the pink trench coat by the way!

Queen Goob, you look so good in a helmet though. C'mon! Put it on and dance on the bar for us!!!

Leah, Severus can be our floor show in his grass skirt and coconut bra. Now that's HOT!!!

Let's get this party started!

INNER VOICES said...

*wanders in from underground subway system and orders three shots of jeager to start off his day*

Leah said...

OH, LOL, it is hilarious in here today--pass the Jaeger already!!!!

Leah said...

And change this twenty to ones for me so I'll be ready for the floor show!!! WHOOOO!!

Queen Goob said...

I'm not commenting on helmets because the conversation would really hit prime gutter form but I will tell ya I'll wear football memorabilia but only if it has Steelers or Pittsburgh somewhere on it. Oh, and WAY back before they discovered that the earth was round and I didn't have a real job, I used to be a j├Ąger girl so if Bob gets busy I'll be glad to help pour shots.

INNER VOICES said...

*pounds fist on bar and demands better service, thinks twice and serves self. lines up bar with rest of bottle into shots on the house*

party on kids.

Cecile said...

*Walks in and takes a puzzled look around. Double checks that there is not a basket with Acid and LSD laced filter paper at the door. Walks back out to double check the sign on the door. Yep this is The Wild Onion. Tries to recall who I left in charge during my time away. Oh Yeah, Well, I guess this explaines it all. Goes up to the bar and downs about 7 of I.V.'s shots lined up on the bar. Ah, the joint looks much better now. Slinks to the back room and passes out on the emergency cot.*

Suzanne said...

My first management decision in months. Feels like old times. Yes, we can hire Severus to serve drinks, however I did ask him to please not carry the whip when he's wearing the grass skirt, coconut bra and serving. He'll be sorta like our Cabana Boy, and happy! Now you all know, when Cece returns he's going to be allowed to carry the whip. Hey, a second fiddle can only protect society for just so long.

Okay Severus, this is the rule, there are no rules. Good luck with that honey. Just remember Bob supervises you. Jorge supervises Bob and you. I supervise Jorge, Bob and you. And like in Poker, and Ace kicks everybody's ass. That would be Cece. Duck.

Bob, knock it off. You aren't being kicked out, on the contrary my dear man, you have been promoted! Yes you will still do the same job, and very well I might add, but now you will also hold the title of Supervisor!!! Congratulation young man. Oh, and honey, I think you forgot something important. We don't pay at the Cafe because the benefits are so good, so you'll have to work out that porn thing all on your own.

What's a jeager? I had to Google it. Good Lord!!! IV what are you trying to do, kill youself? And Leah, you have a hamster to raise. While I'm in charge, new rule, NO JEAGER at 9 am. I'm locking it up. There's coffee if you need it. No limit on refills. Jeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz. I refuse to be sued by your family members for allowing irresponsible drinking. And when the hell did we get a subway?

Queen Goob, you're my Idea Girl!! Great suggestion. Now Leah's happy and Bob gets a bit of relief.

Robyn, you're my Idea Girl!! Great suggestion. Now the Cafe's a happier place.

RC, you're my Idea Girl!! Great suggestion. The Cafe looks all spiffy and Bob's a bit miffed.

Leah, hope you're happy you wacky broad.

Inner Voice, welcome back baby!!!

Bob, cheers honey! To a long and happy career.

Severus, I know my dear, but this is how QG imagined you and how Leah wanted you, so just get with the program. HEY, DON'T EVER CRACK THAT THING ON MY ASS AGAIN, cuz I swear to GOD, I'll knock you into next year.

;)

Suzanne said...

OH S*&T!!! I took so long CECE arrived. Haven't read it yet...using this as a buffer!!! Okay, I'm about to dive in! Hey, my management decision is golden. Let's see what Ace has to say.

Suzanne said...

Well, we'll let her sleep it off. Thanks Zack for savin' my ass! Maybe I'll put a few more on her bedside table so she has company when she wakes up and I get another reprieve.

She did say it looks nice. That's a good thing. Okay, so what do we want to get done before she wakes up? Chop, chop, we don't have all day.

XO

Leah said...

OMG, Miss S, you are one funny lady!

Welcome back Cece!

INNER VOICES said...

*drops several tranqs into suz's mineral water and plops her down next to cecile on the cot. arranges them just so*

anybody want to put suz's hand in a glass of warm water?

Suzanne said...

I'm still here you bastard. I don't go down easy.

INNER VOICES said...

*doubles dosage*

now, now... here you go, just relax, put yer feet up and enjoy some wonderful mineral water....

just bob said...

Now now... ruffies are not on the menu at The Wild Onion.

Suzanne said...

Sorry baby, I live with a criminal appellate lawyer. I know all the stupid tricks, and trust me, I'm a smart gal.

Hi honey, still here.

Suzanne said...

No, ruffies are not on the menu and I resent the reference.

Bob, thanks for being a stand up guy and protecting me. IV, grow up.

Suzanne said...

And no, I'm not kidding.

Cecile said...

Now, Now, we all know I.V. wouldn't get us drunk or drugged so that he could take advantage of us. I mean afterall Cheese is so not pregnant with his child. And from what I have read these past few months on I.V's blog, he'll be passed out on the floor beside the cot in no time.

Suzanne said...

Hey babe, I thought you were out for the night!!! Welcome back baby! Thanks for the voice of reason.

XO

Suzanne said...

Honey, do you have the energy to take over tonight? I'm so exhausted and in need of sleep. It should be pretty easy, I've left everything in perfect order. This was a hoot!!!

just bob said...

...flips Suzanne a smile and a wink

Take the night off, I've got things covered.

... pours some more drinks and hides the sparkly rainbow behind the decorative ferns.

Suzanne said...

Hey babe, I thought you were out for the night!!! Welcome back baby! Thanks for the voice of reason.

XO

Suzanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cecile said...

Ok. Bob, I"m exhausted too, so you are in charge. Aint that somein'? You leave for vacation and I put you in charge. I guess that's the joy of life that awaits you.