Denizens of the Wild Onion Cafe, I believe it's time to bring some fresh blood to the staff here. I put the word out for a new bartender, and the response has been extraordinary, the initial competition fierce. However, I took the liberty of winnowing down the selection from hundreds to these choice few, for your perusal and approval. Let's vote in our new Sugar Butt. We need someone who is attractive, responsible, and can go with the flow, handle the pressure of our busy cafe while still maintaining a cheery demeanor. Most of all, they should possess that certain indefinable something--that essence of Sugar Butt--
Without further ado, I give you the candidates:
Severus--all he has to offer is absinthe, but he's promised me he'll administer spankings in the back room in exchange for a nice tip:
Stanley--sure he's sporting the birth control glasses, but he'll be your confidante, as he's been mine, and he'll always call you "pussycat."
Allan and Dirk--they come as a pair, or not at all, but they'll split the salary. Two words for you good people: Eye. Candy. And as a bonus, they smell of Hai Karate:
Frank--although he might be like a bull in a china shop amongst the good liquor, his armpits reek, and he is admittedly a bit unintelligible, I just know he'll keep people in line, and I'm sure you recognize just how important that is in a Wild Onion employee:
Sugarbutt--her actual given name is Sugarbutt. She's a naturist, and very friendly:
Well, my friends, who is it going to be?