You guys may or may not recognize him, but it is Bob.
So what will Bob bring to The Wild Onion you ask?
Although we will need to change his attitude towards fat chicks, I think he is the one that is "Just Bob" enough for us.
He is smart, funny, and very sensitive. He seems to be the guy all the ladies will love because he will sit and listen to all of your problems while he keeps making you another drink. (Although secretly, he is hoping to get you wasted enough in hopes of getting lucky. But you'll never know.)
For the guys, he knows how to be a mans man. He'll sit on the couch and drink Lite Beer with the rest of ya. He knows how to get rowdy and tell all sorts of jokes. He's a great smoochzer (I don't spell that word very often, stop laughing at me. )
Anyway, I think he is the perfect eye candy. And weather he likes it or not, he's hired. So come on ladies and Gents send in those comments now to boost Bob's esteem. Because he deserves it.
29 comments:
Wow, um, well, ok, um, I wasn't really expecting this. I mean, I didn't even send in an application. Gee, wow, uh, I don't know really what to say other than I'll do it.
Please be patient, it's going to take me a while to learn everyone's regular drink. I am a good listener, and you can feel free to cry on my shoulder as long as you cover it with a bar rag first.
I'll keep the place semi-clean and semi-organized. Housekeeping is not my specialty, hence the reason I nearly blew up my apartment. I'll need some assistance with that.
In closing, I hope I don't fail you and only ask that you keep the ladies room neat and ogle my butt every once and a while to make me feel good.
LOL. We are pretty good at ogling.
Bob, you're really cute! Okay, I guess I'm willing to forgo my dead fictional s & m boyfriend for you Bob...
Awww shucks Leah, thanks. Here, have some taro leaves.
Welcome to the best virtual world to be a part of...I think you will be a Great addition to our Team. Sort of sounds like a R.C.'s been here doing some "writing" doesn't it?!!
*slinks up to bar, looks around for new "eye candy"...wanders to the dance hall...still no Bob...plops on Macy sofa to wait for the welcoming party*
Great choice Cece, this is why you are in charge!!
And we all like to ogle, so watch out Bob!!
Perfect! Bob it is!!! **Pulls up to bar driving pink tricycle and sporting a pretty pink trench coat with "Blottie" on the back. "Welcome dear friend! Drinks all around my good man, and I'll have my usual mineral water cuz I'm still trainin' for the big one."**
Bob, this will probably be the best job you never applied for. Good luck and have fun. You won't get paid of course because Cece's cheap and also because this is no longer the working cafe it once was. There are no rules as you know, but you should familiarize yourself with our manual in an effort to get to know all the characters better. No, it isn't the huge binder that first comes to mind, it's the blog itself. Read from start to finish (all the comments too I'm afraid) and then if you still have time, go to CSI's blog to see where it all began. Brian had to study for a test (a big one) and we had to entertain ourselves for about a month and a half because he wouldn't respond to any of our comments. He's never recovered and we haven't matured! Thank God.
**Waves goodbye to Blotties biggest fan and greatest guy, then floors it to the Macy's sofa to await the gang. So fast in fact her trench coat blows up like wings (a la Inner Voices), her mineral water bites the dust, and everyone looks on in pure shock when what is underneath is finally revealed...Oh-la-la!** (Zack doesn't stand a chance.)
XO Blottie
P.S. Forgive all spelling errors, typos and all the graaammatharithmetically crap...no time to proof. More comments and blogs to read before I poop out!
Took me so damn long to write the thing Gig got here before me. Now I have to read her's before I actually proof mine. Good Lord! Does this never end?
Gig, I knew you were here. I just knew it. I wrote about you in my comment, then deleted it. It was so funny. I don't know why I do that! I suppose I didn't want to overwhelm Bob his first day! Meet you on the dance floor honey! I'm on the sofa. (Bob's gonna be fun to dance with...I can just tell.
XO
Bob ~ yes, there was supposed to be an ' before that s, and
Gig ~ Honey, I'm on the sofa too (too funny)!!! "Jorge, turn on the damn disco ball!" (I swear to God that man is so spoiled and lazy...if this happens to Bob, we're hiring a woman."
XO
Well, I'm so glad you all approve. I think I'm getting better with these administrative decisions. I am getting practice here before I go and make administrative decisons at my real job. I hope RC's not sea sick on that cruise of hers right now, Or do I? Hummmm Jealousy, do you think it is the right color for me?
Hey! I heard Suzanne was buying drinks so I popped in for a cold one. She's lookin' hot on that bike, dontcha think? I know, I should have dressed up a bit more but these are my comfy shorts and T so let’s hope I don't get kicked out for poor attire.
Bob, nice promotion! It'll be easy for you to remember my regular drink, I'm cheap and easy so slide a Bud Lite down the bar for me, please? Don't worry, Suzanne tips well. By the way Bob, I noticed you didn't bring the Stanley Cup with you this time. That’s okay, I'm originally from Pittsburgh so it's kind of a sore subject at the moment, ya know?
Hey Cece, need another one? Those little boogers at school still coming to class unprepared? Yea, you definitely need another one!
I'm gonna go check out the hotties on the dance floor - save me a seat?
Hey Baby, that's not the Stanley Cup, that's the Red Sox trophy. I didn't really look and made the same mistake. Both Bob and Rob were yelling in my ear at the same time. I nearly went deaf. Good Lord...don't they all look the same? No. The Stanley Cup looks much too heavy to carry (sort of like a wedding cake) and the Red Sox trophy, sort of looks like the UN flags. So now we know.
XO
"Hey Suze...Is that Cheese and you know who out there twirling under the disco ball?"
*strolls over to Jorge and says "where is Bob? It is time for his hourly ogle."
"Ok, time for a shot of Crown Royal on the rocks with a chase from I.V.'s secret flask, make it snappy, I gotta go catch up with Suze, she's out riding her P.P.T.
(pretty,pink trike)in her Pink trenchcoat, man is she a sight to see..." *strolls through bar to the slots...*
Ok Suze, I know you are here somewhere, come out, come out wherever you are...it's Saturday nght, let's play!!!
We can celebrate your Birthday some more...
LMAO - I remember a trophy so give the blonde a beer! (don't tell the guys but I'd take football over any other sport.)
If I get yelled at as loudly as you did, we may have to take up sign language.
Oh yeah another football fan chick. I'd take football over any other sport too. And doesn't Suze look cute with the pink trench coat. Why am I here at 10:30 on a Saturday night, Oh yeah, I own the place, plus, I have no life. Anyway, I'm so glad we are all happy with the choices I made. My favorite drink is amoretto on the rocks.
**Suze lurks with P.P.T., and see discourse.** Okay, look, a man's trophy is a man's trophy. Why? Who the hell knows. Let's just sit and have tea or vodka till they all duke it out. Of all sports...I'll take two: hockey and tennis. Yes, I love football, basketball and baseball, but there is nothing like a hockey game and nothing like two gents battling it out with a lot of green balls. Hockey: there is no better athlete. None. How they do all that on a pair of skates is beyond me. I know every sport and I pick hockey. No, I don't appreciate the fights, but I appreciate the skill.
XO ME!
Bob, your suit is very shiny...is that expensive and all silk? Looks it!
XO
Giggie...my one, my only! Hi honey. You think this pretty pink number is outstanding, don't you? I know. It's spectacular. Found it on my way here and couldn't resist cuz it matched the pretty bike Zack found. I'm going to win, aren't I? If you can all distract him long enough, I have a chance. I've caluclated I need about 5.2 seconds. If you offer him a donut and he accepts, I think my pray may be answered. Offer coffe too, it's over!
XO
I do believe coffee is spelled coffee.
Hey I hear that some hottie is the new bartender up in this joint!
Bring it on!
And also heard that Suze was buying the first round. *stepping up to the bar, waves at Suze, checks out the new bartender long and hard* Bob I was one of the orginals up in this joint so just know I am watching *throwing the stink eye* LMAO!
Yep! YOu will do BOB...can I get a icy cold one down this way!
*heads over the music box to get this party started!*
And Leah! Can I just say I love this 'randy' side of you! Bring it on girly!
I believe that's "One day we woked up!!!" Oh crapper, I'm almost laughing too hard to type!
Of course it's "woke up."
Holy smokes, it was busy in here tonight. Heavens, if it's like this every Saturday night I'm gonna need to quit my real job. And whomever it was that pinched my behind I'll catch you next time.
Looking around, I think the pink tricycle left tire marks on the carpet, no one turned off the disco ball, and there are taro leaves scattered all about. These ladies sure do know how to let off some steam.
* turns out the lights, locks the doors, and calls it a night *
Thank God that was me. I had to delete because I sounded drunk. I hope I was. If that's how I normally write sober, I'm in deep doo-doo. Please forgive me. I think training for the PPT Race is taking it's toll.
Bob, you're a hit! **Slides onto bar stool, looks around, doesn't see a single soul. Pulls out megaphone from PJ's, "Bob, it's 8:14 am...I need my oatmeal!"** Yup, the job's 24/7.
I want some oatmeal too--make sure it's the nice steel-cut oatmeal from that tin, not instant, with thin-sliced strawberries and brown sugar on the side...oh, heck, I'll get it myself. We'll give you a break on your first day. Do you like strawberries on yours Suzanne?
*pops head round to see new barman, but sees he is being harrassed by the ladies waiting for oatmeal - crikey - he hasn't been here 5 minutes, and already getting treated like a skivvy!*
Barman Bob, Barman Bob! Chuck us over a vodka when you have a minute! And some nuts. No, not salted - unsalted! And maybe a glass of water too.
Suzanne: If you're getting tipsy on the mineral water you kept ordering then I'm definitely keeping the hard stuff away from you.
Leah: I'd cook breakfast for you any morning, but you'll have to get your own strawberries.
Peter: These ladies got all liquored up last night and wrecked the place. Girls will be girls. Stoli, Absolut, or Ketel One?
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