Wednesday, December 3, 2008

PAIN




Contemptuous silence fills my ears
"What have I done?"
"You should know"
I should know.
So often I should know
again and again
there is no explanation.
I can give no defence,
learn no lesson.
I offer an olive branch,
it is tossed aside, rejected.
A growing mound of rejected goodwill
morphs to become a monument.
A memorial to pain.

9 comments:

Suzanne said...

As difficult as it's been the past months feeding ferals at the park, I've continued to learn valuable lessons about life. You can't have coyotes at your back and not know fear. You can't stand a few feet away from huge deer and not feel humble, you can't lose loved ones and not feel loss. Life is a journey and it should be. I don't have the answers you seek. You can only find them in your own heart. I love you my dear and understand your pain, but it's your journey. Just know you aren't alone.

XO

Suzanne said...

And yes, trust me I notice stuff like this, you're first post? Perhaps second? Thanks for honoring us Your Grace!!!

kylie said...

second

Leah said...

Wow. Great post. And verse. I'll be back.

Cece said...

Pain is a foe I know only too well lately. What a pungent, yet beautiful reminder. (crazy neighbor update:) She called me from the crazy house yesterday and told me she would be coming home today and wanted either me or my husband to pick her up. I told her I had to work and that HB was busy. HB suggested I call the Crazy House and see if they could arrange her transportation home. They could, so I called her back and informed her of this. She got angry with me. Here is how the conversation went down.
Crazy Neighbor: "You mean you won't come and pick me up?"
ME: "Yes, and actually, when you do get home, you need to come get your house key, and then we don't want anymore contact with you right now. What you did on Sunday was completely unacceptable, and we do not need that kind of environment around our kids. You really need some help, and hope you will continue to seek counciling after you come home...."
Crazy Neighbor: (angrily and cutting me off) "EXCUSE ME! Since when did you get qualified to diagnose?"
ME: (In an equally angry tone cutting her off.) "My ability to diagnose is not the issue here. The fact is, we do not want you around."
She hung up on me.
So hopefully the saga has concluded.

Random Chick said...

Thanks for this post, Kylie. It is good to see you at the Wild Onion. I hope your pain brings with it some peace.

Suzanne, you are such a sweet soul...a little wacky too...and that's why we love you!!! I hope it is getting easier as the days go on...

Cece, good for you! I'm sure that was hard to do. Stand firm and be true to yourself. Your neighbor may throw tantrums like a 3 year-old but once she figures out you won't give in, she'll give up.

Cece said...

I just went back and read some of the comments from the previous post. Please realize, I love dogs too. I mean, I did take in a starving (in more ways than one) 120 lbs bundle of neck squeezing joy of a dog this summer. I have a terrible soft spot for dogs. And cats, and horses, and racoons, and squirrles, and well..... you get the picture. I did not call animal control. She is suppose to be home today, and it will be her responsibility to deal with them. I am sorry that you all are worring about the animals and Leah, I wish you could foster them too. Sarge, the great Pyreniese (spelling?) is a beautiful dog. And he is so smart, unfortunately, I think that she plans on dumping him off at her vet's office and abandoning him there. I don't know what she will do with Molly, but I cannot make her animals my problem. I have my family to worry about. We can only pray to whatever god or gods we believe in and hope that things will all work out in a positive manner.

Megan said...

All you people here are most wonderful and I wish I could take everyone's pain and make it go 'way, but that's a bit naive.

Remember the Bene Gesserit way:

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

I know, the post title is "pain" but pain and fear are linked, in my idiot brain anyway...

I want a drink. Where's my fiance?

Leah said...

That's a wonderful quote, unbelievably wonderful, Megan.

Cece--of course you have to take care of your family first, I'm really talking ideal circumstances. If I made myself responsible endlessly for all the strays I've seen in Brooklyn I would be broke and my house would be covered in dog poo...it's actually wonderful that you even are dealing with them at all. I tell you, I now absolutely loathe your neighbor for the position she's put you in. F!@# her!!!!