Saturday, April 12, 2008

I'm Feeling Much Better, Thank You...

After almost a full recovery from stomach death, I want to walk through the beads in my Manolo Blahniks wearing this little black dress,
slam my fist on the bar and tell the new, sexy bartender, "Bartender, drinks all around my good man...mineral water for all." While the massive crowd passes out, the bartender and I will slink on over to the dance floor and go slow. Real slow, until Gig claws her way into the room, looks up and utters those famous words, "Can we Line dance?" Upon which, I will hoist my ultra-family size mayonnaise jar of pennies on to my hip and go directly to the poker room to kick some ass.


Gig said...

"Heel to toe, dosey doe,
Boot Scootin Boogie" *Yee Haa*

"why thank you for the dance...oh my, I think I would like another mineral water except with a whiskey chaser this time"

Love your little black dress and Manolo Blahniks Suze!!

*strolls into Vegas room looking for some action...looks for Hot Shots...WhaHoo!! Jackpot!!*

No slugs tonight Leah, check it out!!

Suzanne said...

God, I'm exhausted. Didn't get out of the dance hall with my penny jar before Gig scouped me by the waist and had me flyin' around the floor like a limp Barbie Doll! My hair was flyin', by shoes went into the air and me dress flew up around me arse. *Whispers into the wind...SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!! I can't find my $400 shoes!!! I'll just take a whiskey, please, and I don't even drink.* Strolls into the Vegas Room all disheveled...thrown out for being a vagrant.

Suzanne said...

Hey, *knocking on door,* this is my post!!! Let me in.

Leah said...

I think the bartender is wearing the in heck did that happen?

I won big at the slots! Drinks all around! And the rest of it goes to Pokemon cards for Hedgehog...

Suzanne said...

*Sneaks in through kitty door.* Yup!

Suzanne said...

"Give me my shoes you b****." You were right, he had um.

Oh, and don't let Cece know about Pokemon. She and the kids are insane about that crap. She'll fight you for your money. I haven't seen your photo, but she could probably take you.

Well, gotta get back to practicin' "Heel to toe, dosey doe..."

Thanks for stoppin' by and wish you'd arrived earlier because you could have saved me from Gig. That woman is wild.


kylie said...

where did you manaage to get manolos for $400 ?????

Suzanne said...

Neiman Markup (Whoops, Neiman Marcus!). I made a boo-boo, they cost $525 (you can google them). Not a bad little deal. I don't know if they ship to Aussie Land, but if you're real nice you can probably convince Gig to do just about anything. She'll fly on over with them tucked inside her cowboy hat (technically the airline could confiscate them at the security check point because they can be used as a weapon, but Gig's good, she'll say the hat is permanently attached to her head). Good luck with that!

Hey, you didn't say anything about my little black dress! Don't cha like it? Well, gotta go ~ meetin' the gals for tea and cupcakes this morning. *Yee Haa*


Suzanne said...

Whoops...spelled scoop wrong! My bad.

Cecile said...

The shoes are way too expensive, I can find some payless knock offs for less that $15. And uncomfortable high heels are uncomfortable high heels to me. Actually, if what I wear doesn't go well with just a pair of New Balance tennis shoes, or my brown and very old Earth Shoe Sandles then I don't buy it. We need to get some heavy metal out there to thrash to. Welp, back to my yard work. Have a great day.

Suzanne said...

Good news. I didn't buy them! They're my virtual shoe, and that's my virtual dress too! :) God, I guess that means I'm naked. Whoops. Oh, and I guess the heels I yanked off the bartender's feet weren't really mine. Whoops (sorry cutie-pie.) Guess I'll have to give um back and guess I should have known when I saw the knock-off label. Cece, did you give him that cheap pair of vinyl crap? You probably hired him too. Right? Suddenly, poof, he was there!

Well darlin' you keep wearin' your comfy shoes in real life and I will too, but I'm going to pretend for a few more hours that I like the "girlie" stuff!

*Twirls around the dance floor in her vinyl knock-off Manolo Blahniks, hit's a whiskey puddle and goes flyin'. Luckily lands on her breast implants which ultimately save her life. The crowd runs to her aid. Barely conscious, she can be heard whispering into Leah's ear, "Get me a #$&(!*$ lawyer."

Cecile said...

Wait a minute, your married to a lawyer. And since you have partial ownership in the place, you can't sue yourself. Yeah I hired the bartender, but I didn't realize he was a cross dresser. I guess I should have gotten past his eye candy and actually perform an actual background search. But he really needed the job. Anyway, don't throw your back out on the dance floor. I think I'm going to build a new room for live rock concerts. I wonder who is paying for all of this. It is sort of nice to have a virtual unlimited cash flow. Too bad the cash flow wasn't in real life, but I suppose, money doesn't buy you happiness. Later Guys and Dolls.

Suzanne said...

I was going to say "Get-me-a-ROB!!!" Reminds me of Will Ferrel playing the roll of Jeasus when he did a skit on SNL. At one point he said, "Oh-My-Dad!" Too good. Rob and I still get a kick out of that one.

Don't worry about checking out the cross-dressing bartender. Remember the rule you made? No rules! *Yee Haa!!!* We don't care about the bartender's taste in shoes or about money. We just come here to have fun. Right? Right. And honey, if you want a live concert hall, then just mozy on through the beads and announce you've opened it. Poof, it's there!

I didn't throw out my back in that slip and fall, but I did deflate one breast! No, not really. I'm anti breast implants (cuz I like my real ones!), just yankin' your chain. I got right back up and started dancin' again. But this time without those cheap shoes. Where the hell did my virtual Manolo Blahniks go? Now those were comfy.

What did ya do in the yard today missy? It got too hot to work in the yard here. In the 90's. Wow-weeeeeeeeee. Without our 60' tree the house heats up like an Easy Bake Oven. Not a good sign. It's gonna be a rough summer! We're considering having awnings installed over the windows on the west side of the house. Temporarily of course, until the new tree (we've yet to plant) gets bigger (5-10 years)!

Well, you get the kiddies to bed then stop on by for a little "libation" (just got that word from Leah) and fun. I'll go round up the girlies and we'll do some Boot Scootin Boogie. Yee Haa! By the way, where's our darlin' man in the black trench coat? He's missin' all the fun.

Oh, also, someone has to teach me all the casino games. I don't know them, so don't know how to make easy money like Leah and Gig. I've never been to Vegas baby, or to a casino for that matter! Something to look forward to! Yee Haaaaaaaaaaa! (I've gotta stop that. Gig started something really, really bad!) Yee Haaaaaaaaa!


Robyn said...

*slowly pushing the door to take a peek, see some strange sights...crossdressing bartender...and Suze twirling away on the dance floor*
hey peeps! How goes it! I thought I would stop by and take a peek on what is on the menu and what is being served at the bar. I have to say the new bartender (crossdresser) needs a new wig and where is Inner Voices...he would make a damn good bartender for sure! *calls the crossdressing bartender with size 14 highheels on over* I am ordering a Pina Colada (damn do I love those bad boys. Trying to get IV to put an extra shot in of something anything with 80 proof! To take this edge off...I hit wall folks. Keep this coming and all will be good...LMAO!
*looking off in the distance wondering who might come through the door/beads*

Suzanne said...

Who the hell do you think's commin' through the door? I've been tailin' your ass since you set down on I.V.

You belong here. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Okay, we need a meditation class too. Money's no object, we do what ever we want. You can hang up your apron forever. This is La-La Land. Do what you want. Say what you want and no regrets. Cece made up the rules. There are none!

Let's celebrate your birthday right here. Finally, a party to end all parties. We'll start preparing. I bake one mean pink cupcake! And I know the girls are good at all sorts of things. Trust me! They are! (I.V. doesn't stick around for nothin' honey!)

Welcome back baby and the bartender may wear a 14, but I only wear a 7. Maybe that's why it was a slip and fall. I was slobber-nockering all across the dance floor!


Gig said...

* Slip slides thru beads, joins Robyn at bar for Inner Voices "special"...yummy...*

Good to see you Robyn, the place has missed ya!

Suze, you have had a busy weekend girlfriend, I don't know if I can keep up!! I will try. This new virtual world is great, :)
I have only been to Vegas once, however, Michigan has many Indian you know my secret, slot machines. Not often, but once in a while. My favorite one is in Detroit, good thing, it is the one farthest from my house,LOL.

Leah, Awesome on the big win, I told ya that the slots were "loose"!!

So when do the concerts start Cece? Who is on the schedule?

*kickin' back in the dance hall with Suze watching the "bartender strut his stuff on the dance floor*

Suzanne said...

Gig. That girl is a loose canon. Where the hell are my shoes?